#culinary disasters
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text

Eggs are important guys :(
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
Collection of my favorite tags in the reblogs

I am in tears

#bread#culinary disasters#genuinely though. good luck on your future in baking. it takes a lot of time and effort to get it right
144K notes
·
View notes
Text
Cake of Bitterness: Children Cooking
Batter beginning As the old adage goes, ” it takes the cake.” None of us likes to recall our culinary disasters, and each of us — no matter how good we may be as cooks — can claim at least one major culinary disaster to our credit. Julia had her broken omelette. With me, it was a cake. Every time I make a cake, I am reminded of my first “from-scratch” cake, in the days when Jiffy cake mixes were…
1 note
·
View note
Note
Lmaooooo the one with Yor Forger!Reader 😆 Any chance we could get that with Sushang, Feixiao and Qingque? 🤣
Just imagine…someone daring to take a bite—
And then straight keeling over dead to the world. ☠️
“When Love Cooks... but the Kitchen Revolts” | Part 2
Tags: Sushang x Reader, Feixiao x Reader, Qingque x Reader, Crack Fic, Humor/Comedy, Food Gone Wrong, Culinary Disaster, Over-the-Top Reactions, Slight Angst (if you squint), Unintentional Poisoning, Bad Cooking.
Warnings: Food Horror, Exaggerated Reactions, Implied Food Poisoning.
A/N: MY GIRLS ARE GETTING RECOGNITION‼️🗣️🔥✨
[Part 1] | [Part 3]

[Header credits]
Sushang was eager. Very eager. Her wide grin could almost be mistaken for excitement—or was it fear? Either way, she was excited to try what you had prepared for your meal. After all, she was always willing to test her strength against challenges, even culinary ones.
Sitting at the table with her chopsticks poised, Sushang watched you carefully lift the lid from the steaming dish. Her eyes widened with hope, but as the lid was removed, a heavy, ominous cloud of smoke wafted up. Sushang’s eye twitched uncomfortably, but she pushed forward, determined to taste the dish.
A single bite.
The moment it hit her tongue, her entire face went pale. Her hand quivered as she swallowed—if you could even call it swallowing. Her stomach churned in rebellion, but her pride prevented her from showing weakness. For a few moments, Sushang managed to sit still. And then…
BAM!
Her eyes rolled back in her head, her chopsticks dropped, and she slumped forward onto the table with a loud thud.
"Th-the flavor... it’s... it’s like… poison, but worse." Her voice came in a dazed, muffled tone from beneath her arms.
You winced and muttered an apology, unsure whether Sushang had actually fainted or was simply overwhelmed by the sheer force of the meal. Either way, it was clear that your cooking had struck a blow greater than any battle wound.

Feixiao always thought she could handle anything. She’d survived a life of violence, fought against abominations and enemies alike—how bad could a home-cooked meal really be?
When you called her over to try your cooking, she arrived with a casual, confident stride, expecting a delightful meal to complement her otherwise personality. But then the smell hit her—overpowering, strange, and almost wrong.
She eyed the dish warily, an unusual shudder running down her spine. "You... want me to eat this?"
Her heart told her she could handle anything. Her pride as a general told her she had no fear.
But as she took that first bite, her world shifted in a way it never had before. The moment the food touched her tongue, the fury of Moon Rage coursed through her. Not because of her affliction, but because her body rebelled against the impossible texture and the flavor so harsh that it nearly shredded her soul. Feixiao's eyes widened, her hand shot to her mouth, and before she could control herself, she vomited onto the floor.
“That,” she coughed, gasping for breath, “is a weapon of mass destruction.”
Her ears drooped, a rare moment of vulnerability seeping through her usual battle-hardened demeanor. You stared, horrified.
“Don’t worry,” Feixiao said, wiping her mouth and struggling to stay upright, “I’ll... I’ll survive.”
But just as she attempted to regain her composure, the general’s knees buckled, and she crumpled into the nearest chair. “Moon Rage... is kinder than this...” she muttered, slumping down in defeat.

[Header credits]
Qingque had heard the rumors. The food that could make even the toughest warrior faint. She was curious but, above all else, intrigued by the possibility of surviving the meal. After all, as a fan of all things quirky, she wasn’t one to shy away from a challenge—no matter how lethal it seemed.
She sat across from you with a small grin on her lips, as if savoring the potential disaster. When the plate was set before her, the aroma was enough to make her eyes water. It wasn’t that it smelled good; no, it was suspicious. But Qingque was brave, so she lifted the chopsticks and took a tiny bite.
At first, it wasn’t so bad. There was an odd, almost humorous flavor to it. Like burnt something with an aftertaste of... did she detect metal? But she kept chewing, determined to understand this creation. The more she chewed, however, the worse it became.
It wasn’t food anymore—it was a force of nature, rising within her, threatening to take over her senses. Her cheeks flushed, her hand clutched the table, and her usually bright eyes narrowed.
“...No... no, this is—”
And then, with the most dramatic flair, Qingque flopped backward in her chair, one hand pressed dramatically to her forehead.
“Please... if there is an Aeon of Hunger, I beg of you... spare me,” she gasped, “I’m... dying.”
You were horrified, muttering frantically as you checked to make sure Qingque was still breathing. “Wait, no! You’re not—”
"I’m alive," Qingque groaned, lifting a hand. "But this... this is beyond death. I'm too alive. I don't know what's happening, but this... is not food. It’s a curse."

#x reader#honkai star rail#hsr#honkai star rail x reader#hsr x reader#feixiao x you#feixiao honkai star rail#feixiao hsr#feixiao x reader#feixiao#sushang#sushang hsr#hsr sushang#sushang x reader#qingque#qingque hsr#qingque x reader#food horror#crack fic#humor/comedy#food gone wrong#culinary disaster#over the top reactions#slight angst#unintentional food poisoning#bad cooking
108 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Robbie’s incinerated cheese pasta-bake!
We’ve already explored Lewis’s domestic challenges, but can we discuss Dr. Laura’s face here? I think the last time she looked this horrified she was being buried alive.
#itv lewis#robbie lewis#laura hobson#kevin whately#clare holman#culinary disasters#Possibly redeemable though!
210 notes
·
View notes
Text
Modern AU college student Remus 100% makes the best ramen. You just know it.
#he adds cheese cucumber greens soft-boiled egg the whole aesthetic experience#and of course my brain turned this into wolfstar#wolfstar meet-cute where remus catches sirius making instant ramen by just adding hot water and the spice packet and calling it a meal#remus is horrified#he mutters “oh no” and proceeds to adopt this culinary disaster of a man#help this poor sod out#wolfstar#remus lupin#sirius black#remus x sirius#i dunno why i just wrote that in the tags#also i am eating ramen why is everything reminding me of this doomed ship *sigh*
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
Feeling all soft today at the idea of Erwin tending to you when you're sick. He comes by every few hours, checking that your blankets are warm, that your sleep is restful, that you have all the medicine and tea to recover.
"Are you sure you're alright?" he asks in a low voice, sitting on the bed next to you.
Though a part of you wants to roll your eyes at his nagging, the other part pauses when you catch the lines of worry etched on his face.
You squeeze his broad fingers then, making a promise. "I'll be fine, 'Win. I'm gonna get better. After all, I have the best caretaker."
#(don't mind me im sick in bed and projecting lol)#also i just know this man would attempt to make soup and it might end in a culinary disaster but you'd eat it all the same 🤭#erwin smith#erwin x reader#modern au#tw sickness#aot fanfiction#aot x reader#flo is writing . . .
53 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love pesach but holy shit am i glad i can eat chametz again
#pesach is the college student killer#jumblr#pesach#the amount of matzoh i have eaten would kill a lesser man#but i actually figured out how to make meals from it this year#last pesach was. we don’t speak of it or the culinary disasters
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
Bologna, peas, and orange soda has been purchased. Culinary crimes commence
#making the Super Salad loaf with gelatinous peas and bologna (sliced bc I couldn’t find any not sliced that wasn’t like 2lbs of the stuff)#and the coffee + orange soda disaster. I’m ready to be wired up for the rest of the night#bones culinary crimes
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
🦠 SLUDGEFEST 999.M41 – HIVE SECTORA 17’S "FINEST" CULINARY EXTRAVAGANZA 🍲🐀
💀 Tagline: "If it’s still wriggling, it’s fresh."🎈🥳🎉
Welcome to SludgeFest 999, where food safety regulations are theoretical at best, and if you survive, congratulations—you've just leveled up your immune system! This annual hive-wide biohazard masquerading as a "festival" brings together the worst gutter-chefs, rogue servitors, and waste-tier "gourmands" to battle it out for the prestigious title of "Least Likely to Cause Instant Death."
🦴 ON THE MENU – A TEST OF STOMACH FORTITUDE
🔥 Corpse-Starch Deluxe – Served in three exciting consistencies:
Concrete Brick – Doubles as a melee weapon.
Industrial Paste – Spread it on something. If you can find something.
Suspiciously Chewy – May contain… additional ingredients.
🐀 Mutant Rat Broth – Slowly boiled until the parasites give up. Mostly. A local delicacy, served with a side of "if it’s still moving, just swallow faster."
🥩 Unidentified Meat Mystery Kebabs – What meat? Don’t ask. No, really. Just don’t. Winner of last year’s "Best Use of a Possibly Sentient Ingredient" award.
🤢 FESTIVAL HIGHLIGHTS – AKA REGRETS IN THE MAKING
💀 The "Eat or Be Eaten" Speed-Eating Contest
Rules? First one to vomit gets fed to the next batch. Last year's winner set a record by outlasting the Judges. The current champion has no remaining taste buds.
🍷 Sludge Sommelier Tasting
Featuring the finest reclaimed sewer run-off from Sector 9’s pipe network. Can you tell the difference between toxic runoff and extra-aged hive whiskey? Probably not. Drink up!
🍮 Last Man Standing Pudding
It twitches. It bites. It wins if you don’t finish it. If you fail, the pudding gets to eat you. (Legally, it is not considered a sentient lifeform… yet.)
📢 WARNING: YOUR DIGESTIVE SYSTEM MAY NOT SURVIVE THIS
⚠️ All participants must sign a waiver absolving the Administratum of: ✅ Post-consumption mutations (extra limbs not guaranteed to be functional) ✅ Spontaneous combustion (happens more often than you’d think) ✅ Hive-quake-induced vomiting (high velocity projection = instant disqualification)
💀 REBLOG if you’d risk food poisoning in the name of the Emperor! 💬 COMMENT with the worst thing you've ever eaten—bet it’s safer than this. 🚀 FOLLOW for more grimdark horrors, culinary nightmares, and underhive delicacies!
#Necromunda SludgeFest#Hive City Culinary Crimes#Corpse Starch Fine Dining#Grimdark Food Challenge#Underhive Gastronomy#Sump Crab Surprise#Deep Fried Disaster#Food So Bad Its Heresy#Toxic Waste Cuisine#Unidentified Meat Kebabs#Sewer Aged Whiskey#Servitor Approved Recipes#Imperium Digestive Roulette#High Calorie Horror#Warhammer 40K Food Festival#If It Moves Its Edible#Nurgles Favorite Cooking Show#Last Man Standing Pudding#Hive City Hunger Games#Only The Strong Survive Dinner
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
[I give it all up in laughter. The sign of the cross awaiting disaster. Dove flew to me like a vision of paranoia. Dove flew to me like a vision of paranoia.]
#s28e28 culinary journey#guy fieri#guyfieri#diners drive-ins and dives#cross awaiting disaster#laughter#sign#dove#vision#paranoia
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Court of Darkness: Satisfaction
A gift to @aide-falls 😊🎂
Fandom: Court of Darkness
Couple: Guy x MC
Word Count + Rating: ~550, PG-13 at the end
Description: Guy’s gift to MC does not go according to plan. Not that he and MC mind 😈
…
MC looked at the cake presented before her. It was clearly expensive, topped with crimson sugar roses on three tiers that cascaded down smooth black fondant. The smell of dark chocolate and freshly cooked sugar tickled MC’s nose.
Guy’s face revealed none of his thoughts, except for a brief eye flicker towards the back kitchen area of his quarters. MC faintly touched Guy’s sleeve as she said, “I really appreciate this Guy, I can’t wait to—“. MC paused, her nose twitching at another smell—this one acrid, lingering in the back of her nostrils.
“It’s not worth your time. Don’t investigate it further.” Guy’s voice brooked no argument. Which meant, naturally, MC had to investigate. MC followed her nose and opened the kitchen door. Before her was a scene of what could only be called culinary carnage.
Scorch marks from a pan blazed the black and white kitchen floor tiles. Gobs of cake batter were be-speckled across the counter, walls, and countless bowls. The windows, normally closed to ensure Guy’s privacy, were wide open; a pleasant breeze flowed that blew away most, but not all, of the smell of burnt sugar and smoke.
But the crowing jewel of it all oozed before MC. Beside the oven on a crystal platter was a pile of cake bits that was somehow burnt yet raw. Charred mounds of sugar vaguely resembling rose petals fell from crumbling cake tiers. Copious amounts of red icing were splattered across the dessert in a furious attempt to lend some sort of artistic flourish. If the attempt was to make the cake look like a crime scene, it succeeded.
MC could not contain her laughter. “Did Sherry help you create this?”
“Do not compare me to Roy’s little sister.” Guy glowered, his voice rumbling with displeasure.
“Yeah, you’re right. I can actually eat your cake…I think.” MC took a spoon to the mangled dessert and brought it to her lips. “It’s very good, and suited perfectly to my tastes!” With a smirk, she added, “Well, the parts that are fully cooked, that is.”
“Are you quite finished? I am not in the habit of making a spectacle of myself.”
“Oh yes, quite a spectacle; it’s so unusual. It’s why I’m enjoying this moment.” MC sauntered towards Guy and wrapped an arm around his waist. “Did you buy the second cake in case this one was a bust?”
“I had no intention of disappointing you.” Guy grumbled, displaying a rare look of vulnerability. “You said you wanted something made from my hands. But I wanted to ensure your satisfaction in case things took a wrong turn.” The soot and smoke covered ceiling proved just how great a turn things had taken.
With a mischievous smile, MC swiped a finger across a pile of red icing, dragging it across her neck. “There ARE other ways to use your hands, you know.”
“Heh, how bold of you.” Guy took a few steps forward until MC was pinned against his body and a nearby wall. His palms skated across MC’s curves, luxuriating in their softness and warmth. Guy buried his head against the crook of MC’s neck, his tongue licking the icing off her skin. “Prepare yourself for what’s to come.”
“Guy…”
“It’s just as I said before,” Guy paused, his breath ghosting across MC’s skin. “I intend to ensure your…
satisfaction.”
#court of darkness#voltage games#otome fanfic#otome#guy avari#otome romance#otome mc#voltage otome#you know how Sherry is known for her culinary disasters? I bet Guy is nearly just as bad but he has Jasper to cook for him#otome fandom
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#heading towards culinary disaster as we speak and i have guests soon.#first my cake layers came out really bad. a bit tough and rubbery and just. grainy and not soft. and now my whipped cream won't whip#it's been chilling in the freezer for...15 min now#will try rewhipping in 15-20 min..or im throwing the cake (to feed to my family who I don't have to impress) and I'm going to use the cream#add condensed milk and maybe mango puree and then add xubed mangoes.#ugh#all my frosting dreams keep going down the drain#the cream is 20% btw. which i knowww. but it was all i could find :(#if anyone has any tips to salvage this... :((#reeba talks#personal#my post#mine
1 note
·
View note
Text
Getting future ready
What are you most excited about for the future? Mum was a vegetarian and we grew up on a healthy diet of vegetarian food. Dad introduced us to eating non-vegetarian by taking us to restaurants that prepared them. During those days, chicken tikka with toothpicks sticking out of them was all the rage. I remember gorging on them. We used to polish off 2 or 3 plates in one sitting and then used to…
#baking#baking disasters#cooking#culinary disaster#dailyprompt#dailyprompt-1993#family#humour#life#memories#practice#practice makes perfect#repeat#time#work today for a better tomorrow
0 notes
Text
Five Times the Kitchen Caught Fire (and So Did They) - Request
I've been completely swallowed by work and daily life, and for a long time (even though my hands were itching), I just couldn’t find the time to sit down and write something new. April is coming to an end, and most of my plans are still unfinished. So I’ve decided to focus on your requests first — they take priority — and Songfic Game will come after that.
Picked one of the requests at random — thank you @seris-the-amious for sending it in!
CW/TW: sexual content, explicit language, suggestive themes, alcohol use, mild intoxication, food-related chaos, fire/flood/kitchen disasters, implied nudity, mild injury (non-serious), emotionally charged intimacy, flirtation, teasing, domestic fluff, bad cooking decisions, one named lobster spared.
Pairings: Zayne x Girlfriend!You; Rafayel x Fiancée!You; Xavier x Girlfriend!You; Caleb x Not-yet-girlfriend!You; Sylus x Fiancée!You Genre: Domestic chaos meets romantic heat. Lovers tangled in kitchens, kitchens tangled in disasters. From soft smut to feral tension, from teasing to tenderness. Culinary mishaps, emotional closeness, playful banter, and sex that simmers like a slow-burn reduction. Fluff with bite. Fire alarms optional, intimacy inevitable. Summary: Five different stories, each with their own vibe and varying degrees of chaos — from soft fluff to full-blown kitchen insanity. Some are louder, some quieter; not all include intimacy, but you know me — I’ll make it up to our beloved LIs next time. Word Count: (5 stories) 1.3K | 1.6K | 1.9K | 3.6K | 4.2K
🍷 Cooking with Wine
You’d only meant to loosen up.
The recipe had three steps. You had two hands. One of them, unfortunately, held a wine glass for most of the night. The other kept getting distracted by those endless cooking reels and the fact that Zayne wasn’t home yet. He was supposed to be. But surgeries run long, and you got bored, then creative, then… clumsy.
The pan got wine. The sauce got wine. You got wine. Somewhere around glass number three, you decided that music and dancing would “help the flavor profile.” You were still wearing his button-up shirt from earlier — a white one, a little oversized, warm from where it had dried on the radiator. Only one button done. Just enough to cover what mattered. Bare legs and fuzzy socks.
The dog watched, fascinated, as you waltzed with a ladle.
When Zayne walked in, you didn’t hear the door. He moved too quietly for that. You only noticed when a shadow passed behind you — his silhouette in the hall, tall and still.
He stepped into the kitchen like a man entering a crime scene. His eyes scanned everything at once: the scorched pan, the bubbling red concoction, the open bottle on its side. The singed towel near the stove.
Then you.
You grinned, wobbling slightly, your wine glass half-full and tilted at a reckless angle.
“Darling,” you said, voice sticky-sweet and delighted, “you’re home just in time for dinner-slash-arson.”
Zayne didn’t blink. He crossed to the stove, sniffed the air once, and exhaled through his nose with terrifying neutrality.
“This is flammable,” he said.
“Like… sexy-flammable?” You fluttered your lashes. “Because I did wear your shirt, which I consider an advanced form of foreplay.”
He turned off the burner. Set the spoon down. Removed the towel with two fingers like it personally offended him. Then turned to face you, arms crossed.
“You put cinnamon in a tomato-based reduction.”
You squinted. “How do you know that?”
“I can smell it.” A pause. “And it’s floating on top like an oil slick.”
“I was improvising.”
“You were drinking.”
You tilted your head. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
There was a long pause — like the kind that stretches between heartbeats on a monitor. And then Zayne stepped forward, one smooth movement, and cupped your jaw in one hand. His thumb brushed just under your lower lip, catching the smudge of wine you didn’t know was there.
“You are…” His voice dipped. Barely audible. “Absolutely not allowed near a stove unsupervised.”
You smiled against his touch. “Are you volunteering for the job?”
His eyes met yours — steady, dark, impossible to read. Then his other hand slid to your waist, pulled you forward with quiet precision. His mouth brushed yours. Not rushed. Not rough. Just… intent.
“You look like a disaster,” he murmured.
“Thank you.”
“And you smell like a vineyard in crisis.”
“I bathed in pinot noir for you.”
“Of course you did.”
The kiss deepened. His mouth was warm, patient, and maddeningly controlled — like he was cataloging every sound you made, every angle of your lips. His hands stayed low, anchoring you, guiding you. You arched into him, pressing closer, trying to pull him out of his perfect stillness.
When you moaned into his mouth — quiet, desperate — he broke. Just slightly.
His fingers clenched at your hips, hard enough to leave intention behind. His tongue slid along yours, not tentative now, but searching. Mapping. The clinical calm in him twisted into something rougher. More human.
He picked you up like it was nothing — no grunt, no awkward shifting. Just your thighs wrapped around his waist and the firm press of his hands under your legs as he carried you to the counter and set you down among chaos: wine bottle, scorched pot, an abandoned spoon.
His mouth found your neck next. Soft at first. Then not. His teeth grazed. His breath hitched when your hands found the hem of his shirt, dragging it out of his waistband.
“You're drunk,” he murmured against your throat.
“I’m charming.”
“You are a menace.”
“And you,” you said, tugging him closer until he groaned against your collarbone, “are very overdressed for someone who wants me off this counter.”
He chuckled — low and rare. Then obeyed.
The way he moved was maddening — methodical, as if he were dissecting the moment with reverence. Each button undone on your shirt felt like a soft command. His fingers skimmed your ribs, feather-light, grounding you between warm palms and the cool marble beneath you. He wasn’t rushing. Zayne never rushed. He savored. Studied. Tasted.
He dipped his head and pressed a kiss just above your heart, then lower, catching your breath between his teeth. Your thighs tightened around his hips, pulling him closer — close enough to feel how hard he already was beneath his slacks, restrained and ready. You weren’t sure which one of you was shaking harder.
His hands mapped your body like it was his favorite puzzle — thumbs brushing the curve of your hips, his mouth finding the soft underside of your jaw, then your breast, tongue circling slowly, painfully. You moaned, half a sound, half a plea, and he smiled against your skin like a man memorizing fault lines.
You reached behind, fumbling for the wine glass — still miraculously upright — and brought it to your lips. Took a long, slow sip. He paused, watching you. Sharp gaze, mouth parted.
Then, without breaking eye contact, you pulled him down and kissed him — wet, warm, deliberately messy — and let the wine spill between your lips into his. He didn’t hesitate. He drank from you like he was starved. Like it was ritual. Like you were the altar.
The kiss turned brutal — slick and heady, the taste of red grapes and something feral between you. He groaned into your mouth and pinned your wrists to the counter, grinding his hips forward until your head fell back with a gasp.
“Zayne,” you whimpered, back arching. “Now. Please.”
He didn’t answer. He just shifted, one hand dragging your underwear down your thighs with surgical precision. You didn’t even register when your legs parted wider — it just happened, instinct, need. He undid his belt one-handed, pants low enough for contact, not enough to waste time.
The first thrust was slow — testing. The second made your mouth fall open. The third pulled a strangled noise from your throat that didn’t even sound like his name.
Zayne cursed under his breath and buried his face in your neck. His rhythm wasn’t desperate — he never was — but it carried purpose, weight, knowledge. He knew exactly where to press, when to shift, how to pull your body apart and hold it there — open, high, ruined. One hand locked behind your knee, lifting your leg just enough for deeper angles, and when your breath caught, he did it again. And again.
You held onto his shoulders like the world was tilting. His skin under your fingers was warm, taut, real. His breath stuttered against your ear.
“Say it,” he whispered, voice raw. “Tell me you’re mine.”
“You know I am.”
“I want to hear it.”
You looked up at him, completely undone, and whispered, “I’m yours.”
He kissed you like he’d waited years. His hips stuttered. Your nails sank into his back. His rhythm frayed into something rougher, needier — less science, more prayer. You came with a cry caught in your throat, legs trembling around his hips. He followed seconds later, jaw clenched against your neck, breath faltering like something sacred had cracked open in him.
For a long moment, neither of you moved. His forehead rested on your shoulder, sweat slick between you, hearts slamming like fists.
And then — quietly, from behind you — came a soft drip.
Zayne glanced over your shoulder.
A single string of sauce, still too hot and wildly overspiced, slid off the edge of the abandoned pan and landed with a wet slap on the floor.
He sighed. “You burned the reduction.”
You smiled, still breathless. “But the dessert turned out perfect.”
🦞Omar the Almost-Dinner
You started with the garlic.
Three cloves, crushed under the flat of the blade, then minced until your fingers gleamed and the scent climbed into your throat. A generous pour of golden oil bloomed in the shallow copper pan, already warm, catching the light that poured in through Rafayel’s east-facing windows.
The whole kitchen glowed like watercolor — sunlight moving through glass, catching on polished marble, the sea breathing in the distance. It always felt like standing inside one of his paintings. Too beautiful. A little surreal. Like something sacred might happen if you just held still.
You stirred the garlic with a wooden spoon and whispered, “You’re not going to feel a thing.”
On the far end of the counter, the lobster shifted slightly inside the shallow glass bowl you’d filled with cold saltwater. His long antennae twitched.
You eyed him.
“I’m not going to name you,” you said firmly.
He waved one rubber-banded claw.
You scowled. “That wasn’t a wave.”
Another twitch.
“It wasn’t,” you repeated, softer now. “It was… a muscle spasm.”
You turned back to the garlic. Added butter. A splash of white wine. A whisper of lemon zest.
It hissed. Smelled like summer and salt and the things Rafayel hummed about when he painted early in the morning with one hand in your lap.
You glanced at the lobster. He blinked at you. Slowly. With dignity.
And it hit you.
You were going to kill something. Not just cook. Not reheat, not sear, not pan-fry leftovers.
Kill.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, throat suddenly thick. “It’s not that I don’t love you. I mean, I don’t. Not like — love-love — I love him. But I’m trying. For him.”
You gestured to the pot, now gently boiling behind you.
“That’s for you. That’s how it’s done. It’s quick. Dignified. You go in. You feed him. You become part of something beautiful.”
You paused. The lobster shifted again. Like he disagreed. Profoundly.
You looked down at your outfit.
His silk kimono, white and silver, open at the collar. Your hair twisted up, held in place by one of his old paintbrushes, soft bristles curled with dry cobalt. You’d worn it like a good omen. Like a challenge.
Now it just made you feel like a fraud.
You stepped closer to the bowl. He stared at you.
“…Omar,” you breathed.
Damn it.
“No. No! That wasn’t a name. I didn’t—”
He waved again.
You made a noise halfway between a sob and a curse. “Oh my god, you’re real. You’re someone.”
The pot behind you bubbled louder, as if urging you on. But your hand wouldn’t move.
You looked down at him — Omar. This wet little witness to your culinary ambition and your spiritual collapse. Your eyes stung. You pressed your fingers into the edge of the counter until your knuckles blanched.
“I can’t,” you whispered.
And that’s when the soft sound of bare feet against polished stone made you freeze.
Rafayel stood in the doorway, framed by light. His robe hung open just enough to reveal the fine line of his collarbone, the suggestion of morning skin and sleep-warmth. His hair was half-tied, the rest falling over his shoulders in sea-colored waves.
He took one look at you. At the bowl. At the tears.
And then, very gently:
“…Did you name the lobster?”
You didn’t turn around. You just sniffled — once, pitifully — and stared harder at the glass bowl where Omar sat like a prisoner on death row.
Rafayel crossed the floor in bare, silent steps. He stopped beside you. Looked down into the bowl. The silence stretched, long and gentle.
You swiped a hand beneath your nose and choked, “Ask him. Ask him if he’s mad at me.”
“…Pardon?”
You turned toward him, wide-eyed and red-lipped and clearly unraveling, the paintbrush still skewed at a defiant angle through your bun.
“Ask him,” you repeated, voice wobbling. “I almost turned him into your lunch. Omar probably hates me.”
There was a pause. Then, very seriously, Rafayel looked down at the lobster.
“Omar,” he said softly. “Do you harbor ill will toward my beloved?”
The lobster didn’t move. You looked devastated.
“I think he’s giving me the silent treatment,” you whispered.
Rafayel blinked once. Then, in a voice that was 80% calm and 20% suppressing laughter:
“Cutie… lobsters have extremely primitive nervous systems. Their brains are about the size of—”
“Don’t talk about Omar that way!” you snapped, and slapped his arm.
Rafayel clutched his chest in mock offense. “Forgive me. I forgot he was royalty.”
“He has dignity,” you said with a fierce sniff. “And a name. And feelings.”
There was a moment of silence. Then Rafayel leaned in. Kissed the tip of your nose.
“You are utterly unhinged,” he murmured.
You opened your mouth to argue — but his hands were already at your waist, pulling you into him, your fingers still slick with butter and grief. He rested his chin on your shoulder, eyes fixed on the lobster.
“I was going to boil him,” you whispered. “With herbs. Lemon. I crushed garlic just for him.”
“Of course you did.”
“I ruined everything.”
“No,” Rafayel said, lips brushing the shell of your ear. “You just… rerouted the menu. Happens to the best of us.”
You melted into his hold, the silk of his robe brushing your thigh where the kimono had slipped. His body was warm. Steady. He smelled like sea salt and sugar and some ancient perfume no one could name.
“What do we do now?” you asked.
He kissed your cheek, slow and indulgent. Then reached down, lifted Omar from his bowl like a high priest lifting a relic, and turned with regal grace toward the atrium.
“To the koi.”
The koi tank lived in his studio.
Not just because of the light — though it was exquisite in the late afternoon, spilling across the floor in long golden strips — but because Rafayel said the fish helped him “remember the rhythm of the world.” You never questioned it. Just like you didn’t question the fact that he sometimes hummed to them in a language the ocean might’ve forgotten. Or that he had names for all of them: Persephone, Laertes, Blanche, Judas.
Now he stood barefoot at the rim of the tank, the silk of his robe slipping open over his chest, Omar cupped gently in both hands like a waterlogged jewel.
The koi scattered as he approached. Swirls of red and silver and ghost-white fins vanished into the corners of their glass world. Rafayel crouched. Whispered something you didn’t catch. Maybe an apology. Maybe a blessing. Maybe a threat to behave.
Then, very delicately, he lowered Omar into the water.
The lobster drifted for a moment — legs splayed, antennae lifted like tiny banners of defiance — before kicking once and spiraling down toward the gravel, claws first.
You stood behind Rafayel, arms folded over your chest, watching the crustacean establish dominance over a large piece of ornamental driftwood.
“He’s fine,” Rafayel said, not looking back.
“He’s thriving,” you muttered, deadpan. “An icon.”
Rafayel turned, stood, wiped his damp fingers across the silk lapel of his robe. “You know, I’ve hand-fed Persephone for five years, and she still won’t come near me unless I sing Puccini.”
“I relate.”
He tilted his head. “To whom?”
“To Persephone.”
He smiled — soft and sharp at once — and stepped closer. “You cried over a lobster.”
“I cried over almost murdering a lobster.”
He reached out, ran his fingers down your arm. “And why, my sea-witch, were you even attempting culinary homicide?”
You sighed. Shoulders slumped. The knot of shame in your stomach finally loosened.
“I hate cooking,” you confessed. “I hate it. I hate the mess. The timing. The stress. Everything tastes like failure and burnt dreams.”
Rafayel’s brows rose. “And yet you attempted to flambé my emotions alive.”
“I was trying to impress you,” you said, voice quiet now. “Because I love you. And I thought — if I made you something real, something you cared about… maybe I’d feel more like I belonged in your world.”
His face shifted. Slowly. Like a wave gathering itself before crashing.
You swallowed. “But I couldn’t do it. Not to Omar.”
Something unreadable passed behind his eyes.
“...Are you telling me,” he said carefully, “that you were willing to sacrifice your own sanity to feed me something I could’ve ordered from a Michelin-starred restaurant… but not willing to harm a single dramatic sea bug because he blinked at you?”
You looked away. “He blinked with feeling.”
There was a long silence. Then: “I don’t know whether to kiss you or exile you.”
“You could try both.”
Rafayel stepped in close again. The sunlight caught the gold of his eyelashes. “I’d die on a battlefield for you, but a lobster gets your loyalty?”
You tried not to smile. “He had a name, Raf.”
He groaned. “I’m jealous of a lobster.”
You leaned into his chest. “You should be. He’s mysterious. Stoic. Dangerously well-armed.”
Rafayel let out a long, theatrical sigh.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this,” he murmured, “but… I also hate cooking.”
You blinked. “You what?”
“I hate it. I hate heat. I hate measurements. I hate the way turmeric stains my cuticles. I once tried to cook for you, burnt my thumb on the skillet, and immediately painted the pain.”
You stared. He nodded solemnly. “It sold for nine thousand.”
You choked on a laugh. He kissed your temple.
“I’ll order sushi,” he whispered, lips brushing your skin. “It’s what civilization invented delivery for. People like us weren’t made for stoves. We were made for art. For emotion. For love. And for not setting the house on fire.”
“And Omar?”
Rafayel tilted his head toward the tank. “Will be invited to the wedding.”
He paused, watching Omar paddle in lazy circles.
“…But if he ever makes you cry again—” his voice dropped to a murmur, half-affection, half-threat, “—he’s the appetizer.”
🥞Pancakes: Physics & Other Casualties
You woke up too early for no reason. The sun hadn't fully committed to the sky yet, and Xavier was still asleep — somewhere beneath tangled blankets, breathing slow and soundless like only men with nothing left to prove do.
But you had energy. Too much of it. And a craving for pancakes.
You weren’t good at pancakes. Not exactly bad, either — just… experimental. Abstract. Four pancakes already clung to the kitchen ceiling like edible crime evidence, casualties of your first half hour. You had stopped panicking about the first one somewhere around the third. They weren’t hurting anyone. Probably.
The kitchen smelled like butter and mild fear. A playlist pulsed through your earbuds — something upbeat, guilty-pleasure catchy. You danced in place, hips swaying lazily, wearing only Xavier’s black athletic shorts (which barely clung to your waist) and a faded sports bra. Your hair was a mess. Your feet were bare. The floor was suspiciously sticky near the sink, and you were too far gone to care.
You adjusted your grip on the pan, focused like a woman on a mission, and flipped another pancake — up, smooth, controlled.
And caught it with your mouth.
A perfect arc. A clean drop. A hot, fluffy disc of golden triumph right between your teeth.
Your arms shot into the air, victorious. You wiggled. Spun. Posed like a champion gymnast sticking her final landing.
“YES!” you shouted around pancake.
Then you got cocky.
Still chewing, high on success and maple-scented hubris, you turned to the stove, picked up the frying pan again — and this time, tried to flip the whole pan. Into the air. For fun.
You wanted drama. Flair. Pancake-fueled glory.
What you got was: velocity + physics + betrayal.
The handle slipped from your fingers mid-arc. The pan flipped once, bounced off the edge of the stove, and landed squarely in the mixing bowl of batter you’d set just a little too close. The bowl spun. The counter caught a third of it. Your shirt caught another. The rest hit the floor in one majestic, cold, thick slap.
It was everywhere. Your feet. The cupboard. Your calves. The cat bowl. Possibly the wall. You blinked, slowly, looking down at yourself like someone in a war movie who hadn’t realized they’d been shot yet.
And then—
A breath behind you. You turned.
And there he was. Xavier.
Leaning against the doorway. Hoodie unzipped. Sweatpants low on his hips. Hair tousled, bare chest rising and falling in slow, stunned quiet.
He took in the scene. Ceiling pancakes. The lake of batter spreading across the tile. You, panting, pink-cheeked, wearing his shorts and speckled in something vaguely egg-based.
And — of course — the frying pan, upside down, handle sticking out of the mixing bowl like a flag of surrender.
You yanked out one earbud, breath catching. “You weren’t supposed to be awake yet.”
“I was,” he said quietly, eyes still moving — from your flour-dusted knees to your mouth. “Just listening.”
You blinked. “To the music?”
“To the part where you said ‘YES’ with a pancake in your mouth.”
You paused. Laughed. Bit your lip, embarrassed. “It was impressive.”
“It was.”
He didn’t move. Just… watched. You could never tell if Xavier was judging or processing. His expression didn’t give things away. But his eyes did. Bright and bottomless, pale as ice and just as dangerous when focused — and they were very, very focused now.
You tried to brush a bit of batter off your thigh. It smeared. Worse.
He inhaled through his nose, slow. “Is that my shorts?”
“No.” You lied instantly. “Yes.”
You felt warm all over. Sticky, sure — but also warm. The kind of heat that crept under your skin the longer he looked at you like that.
“I was going to bring you pancakes.”
“I see that.”
“They were gonna be good.”
“I believe you.”
His voice was calm, as always. But his gaze drifted lower — down your torso, your stomach, to the place where batter clung to your thighs like messy fingerprints. He blinked once. Slowly. Like he was storing you. Like he was learning you all over again in this ruined, ridiculous state.
And then… he moved. Not fast. Never fast.
Xavier walked toward you like inevitability — quiet feet on tile, breath barely audible, but his body all presence. You backed up without meaning to, hip nudging the edge of the counter, hands flexing at your sides. His fingers brushed your chin first. Lifted. Tilted. He studied you like he was reading your pulse through the shape of your mouth.
“You made a mess,” he murmured.
You swallowed. “That’s what mops are for.”
His thumb dragged along your lower lip. Batter. Butter. You.
“I meant this,” he said — and cupped your thigh, palm flat, streaking upward through the sticky warmth that clung to your skin. “You're dripping.”
The breath caught in your chest. He didn’t stop. Didn’t ask.
Xavier slid his hand higher, the glide of his fingers patient, unshaking, as he trailed a line through the batter and up — up, under the waistband of his shorts still hanging loose on your hips. He looked down as he did it. Watched his own hand disappear, like he wanted to understand your reactions in real time.
He brushed against you once. Deliberate. Barely pressure. You gasped.
His gaze snapped up.
Then he kissed you. Not sweet. Not soft. But steady — lips parted, tongue tasting everything you’d ruined. He didn’t devour. He took. Like a man carefully disassembling a weapon he didn’t want to break. His hand stayed pressed between your legs, just resting, while his other came to your neck — not choking, but claiming. Holding you still. Making you feel it everywhere.
“You’re warm here,” he said against your mouth, thumb stroking slow circles at the hinge of your jaw. “Wet. Sweet.”
You whimpered.
“Sticky.” He kissed your cheek. Your throat. Bit your collarbone. “Ruined.”
You barely had time to blink before he picked you up — just lifted, arms under your thighs, your back pressed to his chest. Effortless. Inevitable. Your hands clutched his forearms, nails dragging through soft cotton and into skin.
He didn’t speak again until the bathroom door clicked behind you. Then—
“I’m going to clean you.”
Not a suggestion. Not a tease. A promise.
He set you on the counter. Warm wood beneath your bare skin. He turned on the shower. Steam bloomed in the air — sharp and clean and him. The sound of water filled the room like rising tension.
Then he turned back. You reached for him — but he stilled your hands.
“Let me,” he said. “Don’t move.”
His hands were methodical. Almost reverent.
He pulled off your sports bra slowly, brushing every inch of your ribs with his knuckles. Kissed the space between your breasts like he needed to taste your heartbeat. The shorts followed — peeled down with both hands, batter clinging like reluctant gravity. He didn’t laugh. Didn’t grin.
He studied.
You were a mess. But to him — you never looked more sacred.
Xavier guided you under the water. Hot. Steady. His hands followed, dragging soap over your shoulders, your breasts, the dip of your waist — not rough, but firm. He washed you like ritual, like cleansing a blade before use.
And then his fingers slid between your legs again — slick now with water and shower gel, moving slowly, teasing your entrance in soft, circling pressure. You leaned into his chest, barely breathing.
He kissed your temple. “Relax.”
You tried. You failed — when he pushed a finger inside you. Then another.
His free hand cupped your breast, thumb stroking your nipple as he fucked you with slow, exquisite rhythm. No rush. Just purpose. Just Xavier. You sobbed once — quiet, overwhelmed — and he held you steady, nose brushing your cheek.
“You’re close,” he whispered. Not asked. Stated.
You nodded. Couldn’t speak. He kissed you — deeper, this time — and curled his fingers just right.
You shattered.
He caught you, of course. Cleaned you again. Kissed the top of your head, your hipbone, the inside of your knee.
And when he slid inside you after, slow and stretching, thick and perfect, it wasn’t out of hunger.
It was worship…
You came back into the kitchen wearing one of his long-sleeved tees and a pair of clean leggings — damp hair in a loose bun, skin flushed from the shower, limbs still humming from how he’d touched you. Kissed you. Fucked you.
The kitchen, somehow, was spotless.
The puddles of batter were gone. The ruined bowl had vanished. Even the ceiling looked suspiciously cleaner — except for one very visible pancake, clinging for dear life just above the stove like a martyr to your enthusiasm.
Xavier was at the counter, sleeves pushed up to his forearms, a fresh mixing bowl in front of him. His movements were calm, measured — flour, eggs, a whisper of salt. The cat sat near his feet, round as a melon, looking both satisfied and ashamed. You arched a brow.
“He helped?” you asked.
Xavier didn’t look up. “He tried. Then ate half the batter and went into some sort of existential spiral.”
You looked down at the creature. Its belly shifted slightly with every breath. It made a faint, gurgling noise.
“You’re gonna regret that, buddy.”
The cat blinked once, as if to say: I already do.
Xavier cracked another egg with single-handed ease. You leaned against the doorway, arms crossed, watching the long lines of his back move beneath soft cotton. Watching his mind in motion. There was something unbearably tender about how focused he became in small things — your things. How the world narrowed down to a bowl, a pan, and a promise.
“You didn’t have to clean everything,” you said gently.
“I know,” he replied, not missing a beat. “But you made a mess.”
You snorted. “You loved it.”
“I did.” He turned then, just enough to meet your eyes — and the corner of his mouth tilted. “I do.”
Heat crept up your spine. You stepped closer. The stove was warm, a fresh pan already heating, butter melting into golden puddles along the surface. He dipped a ladle into the new batter and poured it slow and steady, hands sure, movements silent.
The moment lingered. The smell, the steam, the soft crackle of potential.
You leaned in beside him.
“Do you want me to try flipping it?”
“No,” he said flatly.
You grinned. “Afraid I’ll outdo you?”
“I’ve seen your technique.”
You bumped your shoulder against his. “You liked my technique.”
“Your technique almost destroyed the cat bowl.”
“That was a creative choice.”
He slid a spatula under the pancake — smooth, practiced — and turned it in a perfect arc.
You made an approving noise. “See? You’re showing off.”
He glanced at you sideways. “Someone has to impress the cat.”
It was then — as if summoned by memory or dramatic timing — that the pancake on the ceiling finally gave up.
It dropped. Straight down. Landed with a soft, anticlimactic plop right in front of the stove.
The cat groaned audibly, a single long note of betrayal and digestive despair.
You covered your mouth, shoulders shaking. “He can’t… he can’t possibly…”
“No,” Xavier said, deadpan. “He’s reached the limit of his mortality.”
You watched as the cat sniffed the fallen pancake, whimpered, and slowly waddled out of the kitchen like a man who’d seen too much.
Then, finally, softly — like he couldn’t quite believe it: “…Did you actually catch one in your mouth?”
You stood a little straighter. Chin up. “Yes.”
His jaw shifted — not a smile, not quite — and his eyes sharpened.
“…Do it again.”
🍗“Operation: Wing It”
“You won’t even make it past the marinade,” Caleb said.
You didn’t look at him when you dropped the chili flakes into the basket — just a little harder than necessary.
“I’m literally standing in front of a wall of sauces,” you muttered. “I think I’ve made it just fine.”
“You picked up sesame oil to make buffalo wings.”
You froze. Looked down. Yep. Sesame oil.
“...It's fusion,” you said defensively, and grabbed a bottle of hot sauce to cover the error.
Caleb made a low, amused noise in his throat — the kind that wrapped around your spine like silk and sandpaper.
You hated him.
Not really.
But in that moment? Absolutely.
He was leaning against the side of the shopping cart like he’d been born in a recruitment poster. Dark jacket open, arms crossed over his chest, that stupid military-issue smirk on his face. Skyheavan’s standard-issue glow made his skin look warmer than usual. More golden. More dangerous.
You tossed a bottle of vinegar into the cart without looking. It hit the bottom with a clang.
He flinched. “Careful. You almost declared war on the condiments.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” you snapped. “Are your elite commando instincts triggered by aggressive grocery shopping?”
“Just saying, if you treat the chicken like that, I’ll have to call for backup.”
You whirled around to face him, finger pointed. “I can cook.”
“You can make cereal.”
“I can make eggs!”
“Which you set on fire.”
“One time—!”
He stepped closer. His gaze dropped briefly to your mouth — just for a fraction of a second — then back to your eyes.
That same flicker again. The one you’d seen a hundred times. Like he might kiss you. Like you might let him. But neither of you ever did.
Too many reasons. Too much history. Too many what-ifs.
“Tell you what,” he said, voice low, almost amused. “You make wings tonight. I’ll taste them. If they’re edible, I’ll say thank you. If they’re better than mine…”
His smile turned sharp. “…I’ll let you pick your prize. And I won’t stop you.”
You narrowed your eyes. “And if they’re not?”
He leaned in — not quite touching, but close enough that you felt the heat of him through your shirt.
“If they’re not, you wear my shirt while I show you how it’s really done.”
Your stomach dropped. Your brain screamed something in Morse code.
You said, with all the dignity you could muster, “Fine.”
“Great.”
Then he leaned down and picked up your bottle of sesame oil.
“And I’m taking this,” he said. “Because even fusion has limits.”
You stormed into his kitchen like a woman possessed. Which, to be fair, you were.
By pride. By spite. By the unholy need to prove that just because you’d once burned eggs didn’t mean you couldn’t conquer poultry.
The countertops were unnervingly spotless. The knives hung in perfect alignment. The spice rack looked alphabetized by military rank.
You glared at the nearest drawer and yanked it open.
Soy sauce, vodka, pomegranate molasses, some kind of unmarked flask, another unmarked flask, two napalm-grade hot sauces and a tin labeled simply: “DO NOT”.
You closed the drawer. You opened another. Hot honey, fig jam, bourbon.
You opened a third. Ketchup. Tequila. Grenadine.
“What the hell — why is the alcohol stored with the condiments?!” you hissed.
“Because they get along,” Caleb said, casually leaning in the doorway, arms folded.
You turned so fast your braid hit your cheek. “Get. Out.”
He raised one brow. “Just offering guidance.”
“You’re smirking.”
“I always smirk when people handle raw meat like it’s a loaded weapon.”
You grabbed a towel, threw it over the bowl of chicken, and marched toward him.
He didn’t move. Not at first. Then you planted your hands flat against his chest — and pushed.
Hard.
Caleb slid backward across the smooth floor in his socks, both feet together, expression going from amused to incredulous to resigned defeat in two seconds flat.
“You are not allowed in here until I win.”
“You mean ‘if.’”
“WHEN.”
You shoved him again just for good measure, slammed the door behind him, and locked it. (Okay, you shoved a wooden spoon through the cabinet handles. Same thing.)
Silence.
You exhaled. Turned. And stared at the raw chicken like it had personally insulted your ancestry.
The marinade was where you’d shine. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully.
You opened another drawer. Dark green bottle. Handwritten label. Spanish text. No clue.
You tilted it. Sniffed. Complex. Herbal. Definitely alcoholic. Like absinthe with a sexier résumé.
You dipped a finger. Touched your tongue. Oh. Oh, that was good. Sharp, rich, mysterious. Like something Caleb would drink while brooding in a thunderstorm.
You’d seen someone marinate wings in beer once. This felt like the same vibe.
You shrugged. “Close enough.”
You poured generously. The chicken hissed like it was judging you. You hissed back.
Somewhere behind you, the spoon wedged in the handles creaked.
You whirled. “Don’t you dare!”
Silence. You turned back to your sauce, defiant.
You were not a soldier. You were not a chef. But you were going to make these wings your battlefield.
By some small miracle — or divine act of petty vengeance — you won.
They came out golden. Glorious.
The kind of golden that made you gasp when you opened the oven, momentarily forgetting the smudge of sauce on your cheek and the streak of oil in your hair. The kind of golden that shimmered, with just the right crisp at the edges and a halo of chili flake scattered like divine confetti.
You stared. You may have whispered holy shit. You may have also done a small, smug dance in your socks.
Then you plated them. Carefully. Triumphantly.
And carried the tray out like a warrior returning from the front lines with the head of the beast still steaming on a platter.
Caleb was already on the couch, legs stretched, looking for all the world like a man who’d never been ejected from his own kitchen.
You set the tray down in front of him with all the grace of a crowned queen.
He eyed it. Then you. Then the wings again.
“…Did you order takeout and hide the packaging?”
Your palm hit his shoulder with a satisfying thwap. He didn’t even flinch.
He leaned in anyway. Picked up a wing. Sniffed it. Turned it over once between his fingers like he was inspecting foreign tech.
Then — slowly, deliberately — bit down. Not a dainty bite. He stripped the wing like it owed him intel. Left nothing but clean bone and a line of sauce glossing his bottom lip.
You blinked. Maybe twice.
He chewed. Swallowed. Raised a brow.
“...They’re edible.”
You narrowed your eyes. “That’s it?”
A second wing disappeared. Then a third.
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he said around the fourth, “but I think I might be in danger.”
You blinked again. “From what?”
He looked you dead in the eye. “Falling in love.”
Your face went up in flames. You laughed — too sharp, too loud — and smacked his leg. But you didn’t stop smiling.
Neither did he.
Somehow, between the sarcasm and the second bowl, you ended up shoulder to shoulder, knees brushing. Hands sticky. Bowl empty.
You didn’t talk much. Didn’t need to. But when he licked sauce off his thumb and looked at you like you were next —
You forgot every reason you hadn’t kissed him yet.
His eyes lingered on your lips longer this time. No flicker, no teasing half-glance. Just heat. Quiet, anchored heat that pinned you in place like a pressure point no one else had ever found.
“You win,” Caleb said at last, voice barely above a murmur, rough around the edges like it had been dragged across gravel. “The wings. The bet.”
You exhaled, shallow. “That hard to admit?”
His mouth curved, but not like he was amused. More like it hurt a little. “Harder than getting shot, honestly.”
You huffed something like a laugh, but it didn’t go anywhere. Not when he was looking at you like that. Like hunger. Like want. Like he'd waited long enough.
“Go on,” he added, that low timbre settling over your skin. “Pick your prize.”
It should’ve been a joke. Should’ve been easy. But your body had other plans.
The ache hit first — low and warm, coiling under your skin. It wasn’t a rush. It was a pull. A slow, molten drag that made it suddenly impossible to sit still.
You shifted, crossing your legs like it would help. It didn’t. Your underwear clung where it shouldn’t. The throb between your thighs was steady now. Treacherous.
You didn’t look at him. “I’ll think about it.”
His gaze didn’t drop. Didn’t move. But you felt it. All of it. Like touch. Like heat.
Silence.
Then, you muttered, mostly to yourself, “Is it… hot in here?”
Caleb’s brow lifted the tiniest bit. “I was wondering when you’d say that.”
He stood. Slowly. The way a soldier moves when every muscle is trained not to betray urgency.
And that was when you saw it. The dark line down the center of his shirt. The way the fabric clung to him. And lower — the unmistakable strain in his jeans.
You shouldn’t have looked. But you did.
He stepped toward the window, cracked it open. The breeze kissed the back of your neck. Still not enough.
When he turned around, you were already watching him. He stilled.
For a moment, nothing moved. Not you. Not him. Just air, trembling between two people who’d been circling this for months.
You swallowed. “You said I could choose my prize.”
He nodded once. You tilted your head. Let your voice drop. “And you wouldn’t stop me.”
He didn’t blink. Didn’t breathe. “I wouldn’t.”
You stood. Carefully. Your body felt foreign. Heavy and too aware of itself. Of him. Of the scent still lingering on your fingers. Garlic and heat and him.
You passed him slow — maybe too slow — the back of your fingers grazing his stomach as you did. A light touch. Barely anything. But he flinched. Like you’d struck a nerve buried too deep to name.
And then—
His hand shot out. Grabbed your wrist. You gasped. Stopped.
He didn’t say anything. Just looked at you. Hard. Quiet. Like something had broken loose in him and he didn’t trust it.
Neither did you.
Not the look. Not the breath you just dragged in. Not the heat that rolled through your body like it had a will of its own.
You both stood there. Still.
Then—
His hand slid down. Fingers laced with yours. And he pulled.
You stumbled. Into him. Against him. Your chest hit his, and that’s when you felt it — the pressure. The hard, unmistakable proof that he wanted this just as badly. Maybe more.
That was the moment. The line. And you stepped over it.
You surged up and kissed him. Open. Desperate. Not gentle. Not slow. Teeth. Tongue. Breathless collisions.
He growled. Hands on your hips, your ass, your spine — gripping, anchoring, consuming. You broke the kiss only to gasp, “Bedroom.”
He didn’t ask. Didn’t tease. Just moved.
Your back hit the wall once on the way there — hands groping, mouths colliding, your braid being yanked just enough to make you whimper. Then the bed.
And then—
Clothes everywhere.
He was on top of you, between your legs, shirtless, flushed, panting like a man starving in a field of food he thought he’d never taste again. You pulled his pants open with shaking hands. He ripped your shirt at the seam.
Nothing delicate. Everything necessary.
When your skin met, it was violence. Beautiful. Raw. Atomic.
His mouth crashed against your breast. You arched into it, crying out, the sound catching in your throat as his hand found its way between your legs — fingers slicking through you like he knew you.
“You’re soaked,” he rasped. “Fucking drenched—”
“Don’t — don’t say it,” you gasped, but your hips bucked against his hand.
“Why?” he murmured against your nipple, tongue circling. “Scared it’s true?”
You clawed at his shoulders. “I don’t know what’s happening—”
“Yes you do.” His voice went rough. “You know exactly what’s happening.”
And he was right. You did. You wanted. And for the first time in years, you weren’t afraid of how badly.
He slid two fingers inside you, slow but deep, and your entire body snapped — taut and trembling, mouth open, no air left to swallow.
You came. Just like that. And he hadn’t even started.
His mouth found yours again. He kissed you through it — through your moans, through the tremors, through the shock of it all. Then he grabbed your leg, pulled it up over his hip, and lined himself up.
He looked at you once. Just once. Eyes dark. Wild. Asking.
You nodded. And he pushed in.
You screamed. Not from pain. Not even from stretch. From the depth. The snap. The way it felt like your body had been waiting for this exact shape, this weight, this claim and had finally found it.
“Jesus fuck,” he growled, pressing his forehead to yours. “I—”
You didn’t let him finish. You kissed him again. Bit his bottom lip. Rocked your hips to meet his thrust.
And then it was chaos. Sweat. Skin. Fingers. Scratches.
He flipped you. Dragged you to the edge. Held your hips and slammed into you so hard the headboard knocked the wall. You met every thrust. Matched every groan.
“Harder,” you gasped. “More — don’t you fucking stop—”
“Say it,” he panted. “Say you want it. Say you want me.”
“I do,” you cried, tears on your cheeks now. “I always — fuck — always have—”
His hand slid up your spine. His mouth found your shoulder. His hips destroyed you.
You came again — helpless, shaking, wrecked. He wasn’t far behind. When he spilled inside you with a ragged, hoarse cry of your name, it was like the room exhaled.
He collapsed on top of you. You both lay there. Sticky. Shaking. Stunned.
Your thighs trembled beneath the weight of him, and his breath scraped out against your neck like he was still chasing oxygen.
You thought that was it. That you’d burned it all out in one glorious, unrepeatable burst.
Until—
“Jesus Christ,” he muttered through clenched teeth.
You felt it before he said a word. Still hard. Still there.
He lifted his head. Just enough to look down at you. Brows drawn, cheeks flushed, mouth slack with something like disbelief.
“Are you—?” you whispered.
He nodded once. Swallowed. “It’s not… it’s not going down.”
You blinked. A beat. Then—
You snorted. Just once. Couldn’t help it. Caleb glared, half amused, half mortified. “I’m serious.”
“I can feel that,” you said, breathless. “Trust me, it’s the one part of you I have no trouble reading right now.”
He dropped his forehead to your collarbone with a low groan. “This is… not normal.”
“Not… unwelcome,” you offered, lifting an eyebrow as your hand slid down his side. “Unless you’re saying you’re done.”
He froze. You tilted your head. Smirked.
“I mean,” you purred, “if it’s too much for you…”
Caleb growled — low and wrecked — and tried to shift off of you. But you didn’t let him. Your legs wrapped tighter. Your hips tilted up. And his cock — still painfully, impossibly hard — slid just a little deeper.
He sucked in a sharp breath. You both did. Then your fingers curled around the back of his neck.
“No,” you whispered. “Stay.”
And he did.
The next round wasn’t gentle. It was raw. Sloppy. Almost delirious. You were slick and open and aching for it — for him — and he moved like he didn’t care if it broke him.
He fucked you like it was his job. Like penance. Like prayer. And you took it. Gave back. Met every thrust with want and teeth and fingernails.
You came again. He didn’t stop.
He flipped you. Took you from behind, your cheek pressed to the mattress, ass in the air, his hand buried in your hair like a handle he couldn’t afford to let go of. You screamed into the sheets when he hit that spot — over and over — and your legs gave out under you.
You came again. He didn’t stop.
The third time, you were on top. Riding him hard, reckless, nails dragging down his chest. His hands were everywhere. His mouth bruising yours. It felt endless. It was endless.
The heat never faded. The pulse never slowed. And neither did he.
You came again.
The fourth time… you broke him.
His hands fell away. His mouth went slack. His body shuddered violently beneath you as he spilled into you once more, gasping your name like a confession.
He didn’t move after that. Couldn’t. You collapsed forward, your chest to his, your head to his shoulder, your thighs still trembling, your whole body pulsing around the stretch of him inside you.
You didn’t pull off. Didn’t want to. Your breath slowed. So did his.
You lay there, tangled together, limbs shaking, muscles useless, heat still simmering in the air like something sacred. Your hips twitched once more — involuntary. He groaned. But neither of you spoke.
You fell asleep just like that. Still connected. Still inside. Still everything.
Morning hurt.
In the good way. The kind that made you wince when you stretched and immediately smile through it. Muscles sore in places you hadn’t used since… ever. Your thighs protested. Your hips whimpered. Even your toes ached, and you were pretty sure at some point during round three you’d cramped your calf and moaned through it anyway.
The sound of the bathroom door made you stir. Caleb. Out of the shower, towel around his hips, hair damp, beard still glistening with steam. He walked like a man who’d been hit by a truck. You knew the feeling.
You didn’t move until he was gone from view. Then you groaned, rolled out of bed like every joint was filing a complaint, and stumbled into the shower just long enough to rinse off the worst of the evidence. Your thighs tried to fold under you again. You cursed him fondly under your breath.
You found one of his T-shirts — dark gray, soft, oversized, familiar — and pulled it over your head like you had every right to it now. Because you did.
The smell of coffee led you to the kitchen. Two mugs waited on the island.
So did Caleb.
He stood barefoot in front of the counter, head tilted, holding something in one hand. A bottle. Small. Dark. Unlabeled — no, wait. Not unlabeled. The label was peeling. Handwritten. And very, very familiar.
Your stomach flipped.
He didn’t turn around when he spoke. Just held it up like it was evidence.
“Tell me,” he said slowly, “you did not use this for the wings.”
You didn’t answer. The silence spoke for you.
He turned then. Slowly. Face unreadable. Bottle still in hand like it might explode.
“Oh my god,” he said. “You did.”
You lifted one shoulder, sheepish. “I thought it was... herb oil? It smelled good. Kinda spicy.”
He stared. Then he laughed. Not a chuckle. Not a smirk.
A full-bodied, stomach-clutching, almost-hurts-to-breathe kind of laugh that shook his shoulders and made him bend halfway over the counter.
“I told them I wasn’t gonna drink it,” he wheezed. “I told them — I said — ‘That stuff’s basically legal Viagra brewed in someone's grandma's basement,’ and you — oh my god — you cooked with it!”
You stared. “Wait, what?!”
He held the bottle like it had personally ruined his evening. “It’s called Mamajuana. Dominican thing. Rum. Red wine. Tree bark. Herbs. Aphrodisiac-level strong. My unit called it hellfire in a bottle. A guy once took two shots and tried to hump a satellite dish.”
You nearly fell off your stool.
Your face dropped into your hands with a groan. “You are not serious.”
“Oh, I am,” he said, grinning so hard it almost cracked his face in half. “And you marinated chicken in it.”
“I didn’t know!” you wailed, voice muffled. “I thought it was fancy olive oil!”
Caleb took a step forward, grin widening, voice dropping.
“Pip-squeak,” he murmured, “I came four times last night and still had a hard-on strong enough to pass for a concealed weapon. I thought I was dying.”
You made a sound somewhere between a laugh and a squeak and shook your head, still hiding behind your fingers.
Then — a shift. The humor lingered in his smile, but his gaze softened.
He stepped closer. Set the bottle down.
His hands found your hips, thumbs brushing bare skin where the T-shirt had ridden up. He leaned in, kissed your cheek, then the corner of your mouth. Then your neck. Slower this time.
No rush.
Just the warm, quiet gravity of someone who knew you now. Not just your body. But your rhythm. Your fear. Your fight.
His lips hovered at your jaw.
“I don’t regret a second of it,” he said, voice low and real.
You looked up at him.
“Even if it wasn’t all... us?” you whispered.
His smile faded to something softer.
“It was us,” he said. “Every second of it. We just finally stopped holding back.”
You breathed in — deep, full, present. He kissed you again. Longer this time. Deeper. Less fire. More embers.
And when his hands slid beneath the hem of the shirt — yours now — and you sighed into his mouth, the ache that answered wasn’t urgent.
It was wanting.
Wanting more mornings. Wanting this. Wanting him.
You pulled back just enough to whisper, “So. That still counted as winning, right?”
Caleb sighed like a man clinging to the last shreds of control. “You’re banned from my kitchen. Permanently.”
You smiled, slow and satisfied. “Guess I’ll have to keep making a mess somewhere else.”
His groan was low, helpless. And yeah. He was already planning the cleanup.
🦆 Fire in a Wreck During a Flood
It started, as most bad decisions do, with good intentions and a duck.
You had this vision — soft lighting, one perfect dish, a glass of red wine, maybe some music playing in the background. A date night he didn’t see coming. You’d even bought a packet of helium balloons from a tiny shop two zones over, planning to float them by the window while dinner simmered.
You never got to the balloons.
The first duck died in the oven around 5:40 PM — shriveled, blackened, and glistening like volcanic glass. You’d followed half a dozen different recipes, all of which disagreed, and all of which demanded equipment Sylus would never allow into his cathedral of a kitchen. In desperation, you tried to dispose of it quickly. The garbage bin felt too disrespectful. The sink seemed... decisive.
You honestly thought there was a disposal switch. There was not.
You shoved the remains down the drain with a wooden spoon and a whispered apology, until the bird jammed in the curve of the pipe with a thud and the faucet made a low, wet, glugging growl.
Water stopped draining. Then it started backing up. Then it smelled like duck murder.
You’d tried to fix it yourself — unscrewed something under the sink with righteous fury and zero plumbing knowledge, planning to just shake out the remains like a normal person with a death wish.
But you picked the wrong pipe.
A rush of foul water hissed up, something metallic clattered loose, and you ended up holding a piece of the sink’s undercarriage like a war trophy.
You didn’t know what it was called. But it looked important.
You called the twins.
By the time Kieran and Luke arrived, you were ankle-deep in soapy panic, drying your hands on a decorative towel that now reeked of soy sauce and grief.
Kieran didn’t laugh — not out loud. He crouched beside the sink, yanked open the cabinet, and muttered, “You clogged a full industrial drain with a whole animal.”
“It was already dead,” you hissed.
Kieran shook his head, flashlight clenched between his teeth, legs braced awkwardly around the open cupboard while his gloved hands vanished into the under-sink abyss.
Luke had wandered off to inspect the rest of the kitchen, humming faintly. You’d made the mistake of leaving the duck's replacement marinating on the counter.
"Is this attempt two?" he asked, peering into the tray. “Bold.”
“I can still save this,” you said, mostly to yourself.
“Sure,” he said. “You got another fire extinguisher?”
Then he noticed the helium balloons — still in their unopened package — and lit up like he’d just spotted a new toy in the sandbox.
“Cute. You gonna blow these up?”
“Later,” you said, swiping a streak of marinade from your cheek. “Romance.”
Ten minutes later, Luke was inflating one of the balloons — not for romance — and narrating in falsetto:
“Quack-quack, darling. Look at me, I’m your third duck. I’m full of air and disappointment.”
You rolled your eyes.
He let go of the balloon. It zoomed across the kitchen with a high-pitched pppbbbt-tap! and smacked the refrigerator. Then he found another. Filled it. This time, sucked in the helium.
“Yoooourrrr hiiiighnessssss,” he squeaked, hopping around behind you. “The kitchen begs for mercy!”
You were up on the bottom shelf of the tall cabinet by then — perched on tiptoes, trying to reach a bottle you knew Sylus kept up there. You weren’t even sure what it was, but it had a gold seal, and Kieran had told you it would “caramelize skin like a dream.”
The cabinet creaked. Your toes curled over the edge of a jar of lentils. Your hand closed around cold glass just as —
POP.
Behind you. Loud. Sudden.
A burst of helium balloon, punctured by Luke's metal straw.
You shrieked. Flinched. And fell.
Flour rained down like snow. A box of penne exploded. The lentils hit the tile like a thousand tiny bullets. Except the tile was underwater — and everything sank, scattered, and swirled into what could only be described as soup. You hit the ground tangled in a tablecloth that had been drying over a chair, splashing like a capsized ship in a sea of your own making. A saucepan bounced once, then rolled.
Luke’s voice piped up from somewhere behind the island: “…she flies through the air, the Boss’s beautiful wife, wings of glory, pasta in her wake…”
“I am not his wife yet!” you howled.
“Nope,” Kieran noted. “But keep this up and you’ll be the reason Boss stays single forever.”
You were covered head to toe in culinary wreckage. Rice in your bra. Penne stuck to your thigh. A tablecloth twisted around your waist like a toga of shame. And standing just past the island, smug as a soap opera villain, was Luke — the one who’d turned a leaky sink into an ecological disaster.
He was grinning. Still holding a half-deflated pink heart balloon.
You locked eyes. He blinked. You lunged.
“NOPE—!” he yelped, and bolted, scattering flour behind him like smoke from a cartoon getaway.
You grabbed the nearest saucepan and charged.
“YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY?!”
“I think it’s historic!” Luke squeaked, helium still warping his voice into chipmunk-on-caffeine levels of absurdity.
“You almost killed me!”
“You bounced!” he chirped, skittering backward as you raised the saucepan like a medieval war hammer.
“You popped the balloon on purpose!”
“Science demanded answers!”
“You turned the kitchen into Venice!”
“You’re the one who shoved a duck down the sink!” he squealed, practically wheezing now.
“IT WAS A DELICATE OPERATION—”
“IT WAS A BIOHAZARD,” he shrieked, voice cracking into full cartoon chaos.
You chased him around the kitchen island — water sloshing underfoot, socks soaked, jeans heavy and clinging to your calves. You slipped once in the flood, caught yourself on the counter with a growl, then hurled a wooden spoon like a warning shot. It pinged off his shoulder with a sharp thwack — just enough to make him yelp and speed up.
He skidded around the corner of the prep table, laughing in pure helium-high chaos. “You’re so mad! You’re so cute when you’re mad!”
“I’m gonna crown you with this pan like it’s Excalibur, you little plague.”
He ducked behind a chair.
You faked right, doubled back, and body-checked him as he turned — sending you both crashing into the flood-slicked floor in a splatter of lentils and shame. Water went everywhere. You landed half on top of him, half in a puddle, soaked to the waist and swearing through your teeth as your knee skidded into a floating onion peel.
He wheezed dramatically. “Mercy! I’m just the court jester!”
You raised the saucepan.
“No,” you said sweetly. “You’re the sacrificial goose.”
And with all the dignity of a woman pushed to her limit, you jammed the pot onto his head.
Hard.
BONK.
He squawked inside the metal. “Quack—!”
You gave the edges an extra push, crimping it with both palms like a pastry crust until it wedged on tight.
He flailed. “I CAN’T SEE!”
“You weren’t using your eyes anyway!”
“IT’S DARK IN HERE!”
“GOOD.”
Kieran, still under the sink, gagged on the swampy reek of the drain and muttered, “This is the most effective leadership I’ve seen all week.”
Luke staggered upright, tripped over a bag of dried beans, and stumbled headfirst into the pantry, still yelling “Quack-Quack!” like a demonic toddler trapped in a trash can.
You stood there panting, soaked, hair a mess, one sock gone. The marinade bowl had capsized, the countertop looked like a battlefield, and the floor sloshed with every breath. A spoon floated past like a tiny, defeated boat.
Kieran groaned from under the sink. “I’m disabling the line. If anything explodes, I was never here.”
“Go,” you grunted, waving Kieran off as you turned toward the duck. It was still sitting in its tray on the counter — damp, marinated, mildly accusatory. You grabbed it with all the solemnity of a general sending troops to war, shoved it into the oven, slammed the door, and muttered, “Redemption arc starts now.”
Luke let out a squeak from somewhere behind the pantry, the saucepan still echoing on his head like a helmet of shame. You didn’t even look this time — you just marched toward him, grabbed the sides of the pot, and wrenched it off with the fury of a woman betrayed by every possible element in her own kitchen.
“Put this under the sink,” you snapped, thrusting the pot into his arms. “Catch the fountain. And then scoop.”
“I am not a—” he started.
“—scoop,” you repeated, with full executioner energy.
He obeyed, waddling toward the sink with the pot held like a sacred relic, muttering under his breath in cartoonish despair. You reached for the once-white tablecloth — now steeped in soy, shame, and poor life choices — and dropped to your knees in the puddle. Not to clean. There was no cleaning this. Just to wring it out. One sockless foot sloshed audibly as you shifted. The tablecloth squelched between your hands like it was laughing at you. You wanted to cry. Or scream. Or crawl into the oven with the duck and call it a day.
Kieran, looking like a man who’d just won a duel with Poseidon, finally shut off the main. The next hour and a half passed in soggy penance — you and Luke taking turns scooping floodwater with pots, pans, and whatever wasn’t bolted down. Bit by bit, the tide receded, leaving behind a battlefield of soy trails, bloated pasta, and condiment carnage.
Kieran dragged in a barrel from the garden (“emergency pickling project,” he said, like that explained anything), and everything — soup, sludge, and the last of your dignity — got dumped there. You considered changing into the dress. A real one. With buttons. But one glance at the twins, the oven, and the duck now sizzling like it had ambitions — and you thought better of it. No way were you leaving the boys alone with poultry and fire. Your stomach growled in agreement.
Kieran side-eyed the sink with deep suspicion. “I think I fixed it,” he said, then pointed a cautious finger. “I’m turning the water back on. If this explodes, I’m telling the Boss it was divine intervention."
That’s when the duck started to… smell.
Not burning. Not yet. But that turning point — when fat starts to push too hard against heat, and the sugar in the glaze threatens to go bitter. The scent went from rich to ominous in seconds.
“Kieran!” you called. “Duck’s turning!”
His voice floated faintly from the back hallway: “WATER’S BACK ON!”
You barely glanced up, busy pulling the duck out of the oven with the reverence of a starving survivor discovering civilization. It glistened. It hissed. It smelled like victory. Your stomach responded with a growl loud enough to echo off the tile.
Behind you, Luke poured the last potful of murky disaster-water into the barrel with a theatrical sigh of relief.
You straightened, turned to Kieran — who was already shaking his boots dry in the hallway.
“Great,” you said, nodding at the swamp you all still technically lived in. “Now bring something to finish the job.”
A vague gesture at the floor. “Anything. Everything. Make it shine. I want to see my sins reflected in it.”
He gave you a dry salute, walked toward the nearest cabinet, and yanked it open like a man on a mission. Thirty seconds in, he straightened up with a glint in his eye and a bottle in his hand.
It was dark glass, sealed in gold, labeled in some faded print that was definitely not English.
“What is that?” you asked suspiciously.
Kieran grinned. “Back-cabinet treasure. Might be Boss’s old flambé stash.”
You narrowed your eyes. “We’re not lighting anything—”
"Chill. Science time," he said, thunking the bottle onto the counter and grabbing a plate.
You hovered as he drizzled a bit of the syrupy liquid onto the plate, struck a lighter, and—
FOOMPH.
A perfect, beautiful curl of flame.
You blinked. “…Okay, that’s — actually good.”
“Told you.”
You took the bottle. Lifted it over the duck. Poured — slowly, carefully — just a little.
The skin went golden. Sizzled. Glazed to glossy perfection.
You smiled. “Oh my god. It’s working — Kieran, it’s —”
At that exact moment — as if the chaos gods had been bored for a whole thirty seconds — Luke decided it was the perfect time to haul the sloshing barrel of filthy kitchen swamp water back into the garden.
He lifted it. He tilted it. He tipped it.
And the moment it lurched, so did Kieran — who lunged to help like some tragic grease-soaked hero. One foot hit a patch of duck-slick water, and the rest was gravity and shame. He crashed straight into the open cupboard under the sink, which took the betrayal personally and collapsed like a Victorian lady. The freshly "fixed" pipe let out a wet pop, and a new geyser of very enthusiastic water erupted with all the joy of plumbing vengeance.
Your eyebrows climbed to your hairline, and every fine hair on the back of your neck stood to attention. You watched in mute horror as the kitchen — once bravely salvaged — began to flood all over again, murky water rising with gleeful malice.
Luke yelped, pointing toward the stove.
You turned — just in time to see the duck, which had previously been golden and glorious, now engulfed in a column of flame tall enough to make the ceiling nervous.
You lunged forward.
The flambé bottle tipped with a mocking wobble, spilling straight into the swamp forming beneath your feet. The pan followed a heartbeat later, flipping end over end before bellyflopping into the puddle like it wanted to die dramatically.
The water caught fire.
You and Luke screamed in unison and scrambled onto the nearest countertops like startled gremlins avoiding divine punishment.
Kieran, ever the survivalist, dove into the open cabinet under the sink and slammed the door shut behind him like a soldier bracing for impact.
And just when it felt like it couldn’t possibly get worse — the fire alarm shrieked. Two seconds later, the ceiling sprinklers erupted, dousing everything in a cold, unforgiving cascade of water.
You didn’t scream. You groaned — a low, guttural, end-of-rope kind of sound.
“It’s water,” you whispered, eyes wide, voice cracking like a dying prayer. “It’s supposed to go out...”
From above, Luke peered down from the top of the kitchen cabinet, hair frizzed out like he’d licked a socket.
“…That might’ve been the exterior use blend,” he offered helpfully.
And then—
The front doors creaked open.
A gust of cooler air swept into the kitchen, briefly disturbing the rising steam, the smell of scorched poultry, and whatever part of your soul had already fled your body.
He appeared in the doorway like a punctuation mark at the end of the world.
Sylus.
Black coat half open. Shirt crisp. Expression unreadable. Rain still clung to the cuffs of his sleeves, like even the weather knew better than to interrupt him.
He stepped into what had once been his kitchen — a space once worthy of a museum of culinary art — and paused.
You didn’t breathe.
He took in:
The flames skimming across the floor like demons doing synchronized swimming in Hell's spa day.
The shattered flambé bottle oozing fire like it was auditioning for a disaster movie.
Luke, crouched on top of the cabinet like a gremlin, clutching the salad spinner like it might absolve him.
Kieran, inside the under-sink cupboard with the door pulled shut, as if drywall could shield him from divine judgment.
And you — perched on the countertop like a feral kitchen goddess mid-sacrifice, hair wild, one sock clinging to dignity, staring at him like you'd just burned down Versailles and wanted notes on your form.
He said absolutely nothing. He just stood there. Then, finally, Sylus inhaled.
“Kitten…” he said, with the exhausted breath of a man too tired to be angry and too furious not to speak. “Was this dinner... or did the Four Horsemen stop by for takeout?”
You swallowed. “I wanted to surprise you.”
He blinked once.
“I am very, very surprised.”
You tried to smile. It came out crooked. “It started off romantic.”
Sylus’s gaze dragged across the battlefield. “And then?”
“…There were developments.”
“I can see that.”
He stepped forward. Slowly. As if expecting the floor to betray him. It squelched.
You flinched. “Okay — don’t be mad—”
He raised a brow, expression blank. “Oh, I’m not mad. I’m just trying to calculate whether Linkon Crisis Council covers emotional trauma caused by fiancées attempting to recreate the Trojan War using poultry.”
“Technically,” you said, shrinking slightly, “only one duck was involved.”
He looked at you. Deadpan.
“Just one,” he repeated.
You nodded.
There was a pause. Just long enough to remember the first duck — the one you’d sent to an early, crispy grave. You nodded again, a touch too firmly this time, as if doing it faster might somehow salvage your dignity.
Then his eyes narrowed. “Where is it?”
“…Floating,” Luke offered helpfully. “Somewhere near the cabinet of lost hope.”
Sylus exhaled through his nose like a man deciding whether spontaneous combustion was a valid coping strategy.
Then he looked back at you. Steady. Quiet.
“You realize,” he said slowly, “I’m going to have to salt the kitchen. Like a cursed site. Maybe call a priest.”
“Noted.”
“And you,” he added, stepping close enough that you had to tilt your chin up, “are never cooking in here again.”
You tried to pout. “Even toast?”
He didn’t blink. “Especially toast.”
“So you’re not mad.”
“I’m livid,” he said calmly, lifting you off the counter like you weighed nothing. “But I’m not letting you walk barefoot through your own war crime.”
You gasped. “I’m fine!”
He raised a brow. “Kitten, remember that time we tracked an SSR-class Wanderer into a no-hunt zone, and you ended up covered in cave dust, ripped your sleeve scaling a comm tower, and dislocated your shoulder punching it in the optic?”
You opened your mouth. Closed it.
He nodded. “You looked more put-together then.”
And with that, he turned on his heel and carried you — wet, guilty, and still somehow grinning — straight out of the kitchen, past the still-sputtering pipe, tossing a sharp “Kieran, shut it down” over his shoulder like a grenade on a timer.
He carried you out through the garden door in silence. Past the scorched threshold, past the scent of smoked soy and betrayal.
For a second, you blinked against the sudden breeze, mind scrambling.
Wait. Was he... evicting you? Was this how it ended — dumped in the herb patch like a misbehaving housecat?
But before you could ask what in the horticultural hell was happening, he crossed the lawn with the grim purpose of a man about to hose down a crime scene.
And then — he set you down. Gently. In the grass. Like some tragic harvest offering.
“SYLUS!” you gasped, still clinging to his shirt.
He ignored you. Walked over to the side of the tool shed. Turned on the outdoor hose. Lifted the nozzle with terrifying precision —
And blasted you from ankle to scalp in a cold, high-pressure arc of righteous vengeance.
“GAHH—!”
You squealed, spinning in place like a soaked kitten who’d just been baptized in heresy. Your hair flopped into your eyes. Water ran down your back. You flailed. You slipped.
“Stop — stop it—!”
You tried to dodge. He followed. Calm. Efficient. Not even smiling.
“You wanted fire,” he said, voice maddeningly even. “This is balance.”
You lunged for the hose in protest, indignant and dripping. He dodged, of course. Effortlessly. With the reflexes of someone who clearly wrestled war criminals for fun. Then — just as you swore vengeance — he looped the hose around your waist once, then twice, and pulled.
You went stumbling straight into him with a wet thump, every nerve in your body shrieking indignation. He caught you like you were nothing at all. Warm. Steady. Unbothered.
Behind you, what was left of the kitchen flood trickled into the rose bushes. And, as your soaked shirt clung to his chest, it occurred to you that for the first time in hours…
…his house didn’t have a single drop of water left in it. Except, apparently, in the garden. And you.
“When I leave,” he murmured into your ear, breath warm and infuriating, “I clearly need to tie you up. For public safety.”
You were shaking now — not from rage, but from the cold. Your teeth chattered. Your fingers clenched in his shirt.
He paused. And just like that, the heat in him changed.
He dropped the hose. Silence.
Then — gentle. Quick. Fluid — he peeled his shirt off over his head, wrapped it around your shoulders, and lifted you back into his arms, this time with no protest, no force.
You curled into him instinctively.
He didn’t speak again until you passed through the back doors and he was carrying you upstairs. Not a word. Just the steady rhythm of his breath and your heartbeat thudding against his shoulder. You didn’t know if he was furious or resigned or about to call the national emergency hotline and declare a domestic code red.
Instead, he set you down in the hallway, dripping, barefoot, and blinking at the sudden warmth.
“Go change,” he said simply, brushing a damp strand of hair from your cheek. “Before I hand you over to the fire department as evidence.”
He turned, disappeared down the stairs.
You changed quickly — dry clothes, clean skin, wrapped in one of his soft cotton pullovers that still smelled like expensive cologne and accidental forgiveness. When you padded back down barefoot, the scent of smoke had faded. Mostly.
The kitchen... looked almost normal. A bit too shiny in places. A few new scorch marks on the far wall.
Kieran and Luke stood elbow-deep in soap bubbles, suspiciously well-behaved. Kieran glanced up and winced. Luke saw you, gave you a sheepish wave —
Then broke into a huge grin and threw you a thumbs-up. You squinted.
“Why is he smiling?”
“Don’t ask,” Kieran muttered.
Before you could press, Sylus appeared at your side, as if conjured by dry wit and exhaustion. He took your hand — gently, like you might try to make another kitchen combust — and led you out to the waiting car.
You looked back once. Luke blew you a kiss. Kieran mouthed, run while you still can.
Sylus helped you into the passenger seat with a soft sigh, shut the door, and climbed in beside you. He didn’t say anything for the first few streets. The city blurred past in late-afternoon gold. Then:
“I was gone for six hours.”
You glanced at him.
He looked ahead, face unreadable. “Six. Hours.”
“Technically, it started fine,” you said.
“No. No, it didn’t.”
“There was a plan.”
“There was a flood.”
“Only because the sink didn’t have a disposal.”
“Because you shoved an entire duck down it.”
You scowled. “You’re being dramatic.”
“You roasted a duck in a flaming puddle of floor soup.”
You crossed your arms. “You’re not gonna marry me now, are you? Just because I can’t cook.”
Sylus’s mouth twitched. “That’s not the worst of your flaws.”
You gasped. “Excuse me—!”
He reached over, casually laced his fingers with yours.
“You don’t just not cook. You destroy infrastructure. You violate the Geneva Conventions of domestic appliances. But…” he looked at you, side-glance soft now, voice quiet, “you did it because you wanted to surprise me.”
You deflated. Just a little.
“I wanted it to be romantic.”
He parked in front of the hotel — a high-end private tower you’d never even noticed before. The doorman opened your door. Sylus ignored him.
“You’re going to shower,” he said, voice slipping into command again. “A long, hot one. While I figure out how to rebuild a kitchen from ashes.”
You raised an eyebrow. “Are we staying here?”
He looked at the sky. “Unless you’d like to sleep on a countertop covered in caramelized soy glue.”
You were still grumbling when the suite door clicked shut behind you. The shower steamed the mirrors. The robe was comically plush — full hotel luxury. You padded out barefoot, towel around your hair, haloed in warmth.
And stopped dead. On the table: dinner.
Steam curled from a silver cloche. A bottle of wine rested in an ice bath. And in the center — carved, plated, perfect: Peking. Duck.
You narrowed your eyes. “You — you ordered this.”
Sylus was by the window, immaculate as ever — hair flawless, suit crisp, a wineglass poised in one hand. He looked like a luxury ad for danger and disapproval. And next to him, you felt like a half-drowned feral kitten someone had hosed off just enough to be allowed indoors.
You scowled. “I hate you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He crossed the room, took your hand again, and pulled you into his lap as he sat. The robe slipped open slightly. His fingers skimmed under the hem, along the back of your thigh, warm against your clean skin.
“You had my card,” he murmured, lips brushing your temple. “You could’ve ordered it. From anywhere. Best in the city.”
“I wanted to do it myself.”
“I know.” His lips brushed your jaw. “And I’d still burn the house again if it meant getting here.”
You turned to kiss him — deep, slow, shameless. He tasted like red wine and something even older. His hand wrapped in your hair. Your legs shifted around him.
Somewhere across the room, the duck sighed.
Forgotten. Cooling.
Probably grateful it didn’t end up as test subject number three.
#lads#love and deepspace#lads fanfic#lads fandom#xavier love and deepspace#zayne love and deepspace#rafayel love and deepspace#sylus love and deepspace#caleb love and deepspace#sylus lads#lads caleb#lads zayne#lads rafayel#lads xavier#xavier x reader#zayne x reader#rafayel x reader#sylus x reader#caleb x reader#caleb x mc#zayne x mc#rafayel x mc#sylus and mc#caleb x you#xavier x you#zayne x you#rafayel x you#sylus x you#storytelling#fanfic
2K notes
·
View notes
Note
Sorry, Have another request for the LADS boys. Their reaction to the reader doing the walking in naked challenge on them plz
🍑Walking in naked challenge with the LADS men.🍑
I had a lot of fun with this one. I hope you like it! ❤️❤️
Headers: @bc.lay on Tik Tok
TW:Smut

He's burning something again.
The scent of burnt food wafts through the apartment, a not so subtle reminder of Xavier's culinary ineptitude. You've had enough of the silence stretched between you, the unspoken tension from your argument still lingering in the air. His stubbornness is infuriating, but you know pushing the issue now would only lead to another fight.
The scent lingers as you push open the bedroom door, a silent protest against Xavier's kitchen misadventures. You shrug off your clothes with practiced ease, leaving them in a discard pile on the floor, a small act of rebellion against his brooding silence.
It's just a silly prank.
A smirk tugs at your lips as you decide to leave the necklace on, the chain draping down the valley between your breasts. You know how much Xavier loves seeing you wear it. How his eyes linger on the way it rests between your breasts.
He's not the only stubborn one around here
You slip out of the bedroom. The smell of burnt food grows stronger with each step, but you hardly notice it anymore. Your focus is solely on the figure hunched over the stove, trying to salvage whatever he's attempting to pass off as dinner.
He's going to kill himself cooking at this rate, you muse, shaking your head. But he's so damn cute when he's being incompetent.
You lean against the doorframe, crossing your arms under your breasts as you watch him. You wait for him to notice, wanting to see the look on his face when he realizes you're here.
You push off the doorframe and take a step closer to him, enjoying the way his shoulders stiffen as he senses your approach.
He's trying to ignore me now, but he can't resist looking for long.
"You know, at this rate, you're going to burn the whole building down," you point out, your voice dripping with false concern. "We should just order a pizza. Or maybe get takeout. Anything but...this."
You gesture vaguely at the smoking pan, the burned remnants sizzling and popping angrily.
He's still not saying anything. Good.
You sidle up beside him, close enough to feel the heat radiating off his body.
He's trying so hard to focus on the pan, on not giving me the satisfaction of a reaction. But I know better.
You lean in closer, letting your lips brush against the shell of his ear as you whisper, "Unless...you wanted an excuse to get out of cooking altogether?"
There. Now he can't ignore me.
As you turn away, you can feel Xavier's gaze burning into your back, tracing the curves of your figure. You know exactly what he's looking at, what part of you has always drawn his attention like a magnet. You lift your hand in a casual wave, calling out over your shoulder,
"I'm gonna order something. I think we've had enough of...this." You punctuate your words with a nod towards the smoking pan.
You take your time walking out of the kitchen, putting an extra sway in your step. You disappear around the corner, leaving him to his burning culinary disaster. As you walk away, you can't help but grin to yourself, knowing that you've gotten under his skin.
And then he is following you.
You walk to the dinner table and grab your phone to place your order, bending slightly at the waist, you lean over the table, phone pressed to your ear. Your heart races as you feel Xavier's presence growing closer, his footsteps echoing behind you.
Just as the person on the other line greets you, ready to take your order, you begin to straighten up. But before you can fully upright yourself, you feel his hands gripping your hips, pulling you back down.
You gasp, the phone nearly slipping from your hand as he bends you over the table, your breasts pressing against the cool surface. His grip tightens, fingers digging into your ass as he holds you in place.
You can feel his hips pressing against your backside, the hard, thick length of him nestling between your ass cheeks as he leans over you. His breath is hot against the back of your neck, his lips brushing against your skin as he speaks.
"I think you're forgetting something," he murmurs "You don't get to prank me and then walk away that easily."
You swallow hard, trying to focus on the voice on the other end of the line as they prompt you for your order. But it's nearly impossible to concentrate with Xavier looming over you. You feel his hands leave your hips, and you start to straighten up, relief washing over you.
But your relief is short lived. In an instant, he's slamming you back down against the table. You gasp as you feel his other hand moving to the waistband of his pants.
You bite your lip hard, trying to stifle the moan that threatens to escape as you hear him shoving his pants down.
The person on the other end of the line prompts you again for your order, snapping you out of your lustful daze.
You feel his hard, thick cock spring free, the heat of it searing your skin as he presses it between your ass cheeks.
"A-Ah! I'd like 2 large orders of spicy noodles, please," you emphasize the word "Large" just as you feel him push forward, sinking inside you with a single, deep thrust.
Your back arches, pushing your hips back against his as you feel every hard inch of him stretching you open.
A soft moan escapes your lips, which you quickly try to cover with a cough, hoping the person on the other end of the line will attribute it to a bad connection.
You take a shuddering breath, trying to calm your racing heart as you wait for the person on the line to confirm your order. All the while, you can feel the heat of Xavier's skin against your back, his cock throbbing deep inside you.
As the person on the line reads your order back to you, confirming the details of your large, spicy noodles, you can barely focus on the words. Your entire being is centered on the feeling of Xavier starting to move behind you, his hips pulling back before slamming forward with a newfound intensity.
"Y-Yes," you whisper breathlessly into the phone, the single word drawn out as he pounds into you. Your fingers curl, nails digging into the hard surface as you try to anchor yourself against the force of his thrusts.
"We have your location already, it's the one linked to this phone number right?"
Yes!" you nearly scream into the phone, the word echoing off the walls he lifts your leg higher, your foot flexing in the air. For a moment, you're not sure if your desperate affirmation is for the patient woman on the line or the man relentlessly pounding into you.
"Will that be all miss?"
"Mmm, yes...yes, that's it," you pant into the phone, the words coming out in breathy, broken gasps. "I mean, yes, that's my order! The large spicy noodles!"
Please let her think I'm just really excited about my food order and not the fact that my boyfriend is fucking me silly right now.
"Ok it will be there in 30 min."
"Yes, yes, that's it!" you cry out, slamming your palm against the table as you hang up the phone, too lost in the throes of pleasure to remember basic manners. The phone clatters to the floor.
"Such a good girl, holding back your screams"
"Mmmmfff...ahhh..." you whimper, drool dripping down your chin as you bite your lip hard, trying to stifle the shrieks of pleasure threatening to erupt from your lungs. Your eyes roll back in your head, your toes curling so hard they start to cramp as he fucks you through your climax and straight into another one.
"Fuck, Xavier," you gasp out "You fuck me so good. So fucking good."
His hand slides down your belly, fingers delving through the slick, tangled curls at the apex of your thighs. He finds your clit, swollen and sensitive from your recent orgasm, and he pinches the sensitive nub between his fingers. He rolls it, rubs it, teases it mercilessly as he continues to pound into you from behind.
"Next time you play these little pranks on me, just think again, bunny. The joke might be on you"

You knew Zayne was on an important call, but his stoic demeanor made you wonder if he would ever truly let loose and chase after you like the men in those videos. Still, you had to try your luck.
With a deep breath, you slowly pushed open the heavy door to Zayne's office, the hinges creaking softly as it swung inward. Zayne, engrossed in his call, didn't even glance up as you crept inside.
You knew he could sense your presence, but he simply paused, his brow furrowing slightly as he listened to whoever was on the other end of the line.
You couldn't chicken out now. You had to see this through.
You shiver slightly as the cool air of Zayne's office kisses your bare skin, your nerves on edge as you begin to walk around his spacious workspace. You run your fingers along the spines of the countless medical textbooks lining the shelves, pretending to scan the titles, all while secretly relishing the feeling of Zayne's gaze, now fixed on you.
His eyes, usually so sharp and focused, seem to cloud over with confusion and growing awareness as he takes in your naked body, wandering around his office. You can see the slight clench of his jaw, the minute flinch of his fingers tightening around the receiver of the phone pressed to his ear.
Yet, to your surprise and mild disappointment, he doesn't utter a word, doesn't so much as clear his throat. He simply watches you, his expression unreadable, as you continue your shameless display. You can feel the weight of his stare boring into your back as you bend over to "examine" a stack of papers, your bare behind pointed squarely in his direction.
His silence is unnerving, but also thrilling, as you carry on your charade, waiting for that moment when he'll finally snap and give in. But for now, he simply listens to the voice on the other end of the line, his eyes glued to your every move, the only sign of his agitation being the rhythmic tapping of his pen against the desk calendar.
You feel a pang of disappointment as you realize your little stunt didn't have the desired effect. Zayne remained stoically focused on his call, not uttering a word or making a move to stop you as you began to turn and walk out of his office.
But just as you were about to slip out of the door, you heard Zayne's deep, measured voice ring out behind you. "Give me 30 minutes and I'll give you a call back," he said, his tone calm and professional.
Your heart skipped a beat, knowing you had waited too long to make your escape. You froze, one hand on the doorknob, as you heard the click of the phone being set back into its cradle. A tense, heavy silence filled the room, and you knew with a sinking feeling that you were well and truly caught.
You could feel Zayne's presence looming behind you, his tall frame seeming to dwarf your smaller one as he rose from his chair. The air grew colder, and you shivered as you slowly turned to face him, your eyes wide and wary.
Zayne stood there, his arms crossed over his broad chest, his eyes dark and stormy as he looked you over. His eyes raked over your naked body, taking in every curve, before settling on your face with an intensity that made your breath catch in your throat.
"Y/N," he said,"what do you think you are doing?
You try to play it off with a flippant laugh, walking backwards "It was just a prank, Zayne! Lighten up."
Before you can react, he's swept you up into his arms, throwing you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. You yelp in surprise, your naked body bouncing against his shoulder blades as he carries you back towards his desk.
"Zayne, what are you doing?" you gasp out, your face flushed with embarrassment and growing excitement. "Put me down!"
But he ignores your protests, his hand coming to grip your bare ass with a possessive squeeze. "Oh, I'll put you down alright" he growls.
He tosses you onto the plush bed, your body bouncing slightly on the mattress. You lie there, staring up at him with wide, startled eyes as he looms over you.
In a matter of seconds, Zayne has shed his shirt, tossing it carelessly to the side. His eyes blaze with a hunger you've never seen before as he quickly removes his pants and underwear, baring his impressive length.
He crawls onto the bed, settling his weight on top of you, pinning you down with his hips. You can feel his cock pressing urgently against your stomach.
"We have 28 minutes, sweetheart," Zayne murmurs "Lets make every second count."
He leans down, his lips brushing against the shell of your ear as he speaks "I should punish you for this little stunt. But instead, I'm going to fuck you so hard, you'll forget your own name."
Zayne's hand slides down to palm the soft curve of your breast. He squeezes roughly, his fingers sinking into the flesh as he tugs and teases your nipple, rolling the hardened peak between his fingers.
You barely have time to gasp his name before Zayne is thrusting into you, filling you completely in one powerful surge. A low moan tears from your throat, your head falls back against the pillow as your body struggles to adjust to his size.
Zayne sets a relentless pace, his hips snapping forward with a force that rocks the bed frame and makes the headboard slam against the wall. Each thrust drives the breath from your lungs, your breasts bouncing with the impact.
You feel dizzy, overwhelmed by the intensity of it, your senses reeling as he takes you with a hunger bordering on feral. Your fingers scrabble at his back, nails digging into the hard muscle of his shoulders as you cling to him.
He buries his face in the crook of your neck, his breath coming hot and fast against your skin as he loses himself in the feel of your body. One hand grips your hip, holding you in place as he drives into you, while the other palms your breast, kneading the soft flesh roughly.
You can feel the tension building low in your belly, the coil of heat tightening with each drag of his cock against your walls.
He suddenly flips you over onto your stomach and before you can catch your breath or gather your wits, he's positions you on your hands and knees.
You try to crawl away, to escape the intensity of his lust, but it's too late. Zayne's hands grip your hips as he pulls you back against him. You feel the hard length of his cock pressing against the curve of your ass, hot and insistent.
"Oh god, Zayne, wait-" you gasp out, but your plea is cut off by a sharp cry as he thrusts forward, sinking deep into your core. The new angle allows him to plunge even deeper, the head of his cock kissing your cervix with each thrust. It hurts so good.
You try to crawl forward again, your elbows and knees shaking as you attempt to escape the brutal pace of Zayne's thrusts. But it's no use because he yanks you back by the hips, slamming you against his pelvis and burying his thick cock even deeper into your cunt.
"Keep trying to run away," Zayne snarls "Keep fighting it, sweetheart. Eventually, you'll run out of bed, and I'll still be here, fucking your brains out."

You tiptoed inside his studio, trying to be as quiet as possible but the wooden floorboards creaked softly beneath your feet, catching Rafayel's attention. He turned to look at you, his eyes widening in surprise when he saw you were completely naked.
"Cutie, what are you doing?" Rafayel asked, setting down his paintbrush as he rose from his stool. His eyes lingered on your body "Walking around naked like that, you'll catch a cold," he teased, moving towards you with a playful glint in his eyes.
You giggled, backing away slowly as Rafayel approached. Your heart raced with exhilaration and a hint of nervousness.
Suddenly, Rafayel lunged forward, attempting to catch you in his arms. Startled, you let out a yelp of surprise and spun around to flee. But in your haste, you failed to notice a loose floorboard and your foot caught on it. Time seemed to slow as you lost your balance, your arms flailing wildly.
Rafayel reached out to catch you, but his own foot slipped on the slick floor from the spilled paint.
Together, you both tumbled towards a table, crashing sounds filling the studio. The table tipped over, sending paints, brushes, and canvas clattering to the floor.
Rafayel landed with a grunt, his body cushioning your fall as he wrapped his arms protectively around you.
"Gotcha!" Rafayel whispered with a triumphant grin, his arms tightening around your naked body as you laugh and squirm beneath him. The cool paint dripping down your thighs and stomach contrast deliciously with the warmth of his skin pressed against yours.
You try to break free, playfully attempting to escape his grasp, but Rafayel doesnt let you go. He chuckles as he holds you firmly in place. "Not so fast, my little troublemaker," he teases "You can't just barge in here naked and expect to get away without consequences."
"Look at the mess you've made," Rafayel remarks, his fingers trailing lightly over the colorful streaks adorning your skin.
"And now, look at the mess I'm going to make of you," he adds with a smirk, his intentions clear in the heated gaze he directs at you.
You gasp as you feel his hand slide down, paint and skin mingling as his touch ignites sparks of desire within you.
"Rafayel, wait," you breathe out, your voice barely above a whisper. But your body betrays your true desires, arching slightly into his touch, craving more of the delicious sensations only he can provide.
Rafayel's hands, slick with paint, slowly drag up the curve of your stomach. His touch leaves a trail of colorful streaks on your skin. You can't help but shiver, your body both chilled and electrified by the contact.
As his hands reach the swell of your breasts, Rafayel pauses, admiring the way the paint contrasts against your natural skin tone. A grin spreads across his face as he cups your breasts, his thumbs brushing teasingly over your nipples. The sudden stimulation makes your back arch slightly off the floor.
"Beautiful," Rafayel murmurs, more to himself than to you. But the reverent tone in his voice is unmistakable, his gaze filled with adoration and desire. His hands knead and caress your breasts, the paint now smearing across your sensitive skin, marking you as his canvas.
Your nipples harden under his fingers, aching for more of his attention. Rafayel seems to sense this, his thumbs circling and teasing the stiff peaks until you're writhing beneath him.
"Such a stunning masterpiece," he whispers, before leaning down and replacing his fingers with his mouth. His lips close around one nipple, suckling and flicking over the sensitive bud, while his hand continues to grope and massage the other.
"Raf...please..."
"Please, what?" Rafayel murmurs against your breast. His tongue swirls around your nipple, the cool paint mixing with the heat of his mouth, the combination of sensations driving you wild.
He pulls back slightly "Please, stop?" he asks, feigning innocence. "Or please, don't stop?"
Rafayel's lips, now stained a pretty shade of blue from the paint, curve into a playful smile as he looks down at you. His eyes, those mesmerizing swirls of blue and pink, dance with amusement "You're the one that walked in here," he points out "Shouldn't you be more specific about what you want, cutie?" his words are dripping with sarcastic charm.
He tugs his pants and underwear down, freeing his pretty cock. Its already fully erect and leaking as he takes himself in hand to line the swollen head with your entrance.
"Oh my god, Raf..."
"That's right, cutie," Rafayel growls, his voice dripping with arrogance "The only god you're going to be calling right now..."
With a sharp thrust of his hips, he sinks fully inside you, stretching and filling you completely. A moan tears from your throat, your pussy clenching tightly around him.
"...is me."

You walk down the hallway, heart pounding in your chest as you approach the slightly ajar door to Caleb's office. The sound of his voice, muffled and formal, filters out from inside, he must be in the middle of a video meeting with his Farspace Fleet colleagues.
Perfect.
Taking a deep breath, you push the door open and slip inside, letting it click shut behind you. Caleb's focused on the camera, oblivious to your presence as he discusses some kind of mission briefing.
This is it. Now or never.
You walk in, naked as the day you were born. The cold air raising goosebumps all over your body. You smirk to yourself, imagining the look on Caleb's face when he sees you.
Slowly, you make your way towards him, footsteps silent on the carpeted floor. As you get a bit closer, you hear him say something about wrapping up the meeting.
Shit you are running out of time.
You hold your breath, heart hammering wildly in your ribcage as Caleb spots you. This is it. The moment of truth. Will he be pissed? Or will he find it funny, sexy even?
His eyes widen as they land on your naked body, traveling slowly down. The shock on his face is priceless. For a moment, he just stares, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.
He slams the laptop shut, abruptly ending the video call. The sudden move makes you flinch, a flicker of uncertainty crossing your mind.
Did I go too far this time?
He steps towards you, each footfall deliberate and measured, until he invades your personal space. You have to crane your neck back to maintain eye contact, your breathing shallow and quick.
He reaches out, his gloved hand coming to rest beneath your chin, tilting your face up to meet his eyes. His thumb brushes over your lower lip, a teasing caress that sends a shiver down your spine.
"Trying to get yourself into trouble, it seems," his voice is low and tinged with a hint of laughter. "And succeeding beautifully, as always."
" Caleb, it's just a prank... I..."
"Didn't anyone ever tell you it's rude to interrupt someone during a meeting?" he asks playfully, head cocking to the side as he looks down at you.
You don't think twice and run, your bare feet slapping against the floor as you make a break for the door.
"Oh, you're in for it now," Caleb growls. You can practically feel him gaining on you, his long strides devouring the distance between you.
You reach the door, wrenching it open and sprinting out into the hallway. The cool air kisses your skin, your hair whipping behind you as you run. You can hear Caleb's footsteps growing louder, closer.
Suddenly, you feel his hand close around your wrist, yanking you back. You stumble, falling against his chest, your naked body molding to the hard planes of his uniform. He wraps his arms around you, caging you against him as he walks you backwards into the bedroom.
"Did you really think you could run from me?" he murmurs, his breath hot against your ear.
Caleb's strength is no match for your struggling. With a swift tug, he wrenches you off your feet, sending you tumbling onto the bed. You land on the soft mattress with a soft oof, breath knocked out of you momentarily.
Before you can recover, Caleb is on top of you, pinning your wrists above your head. "I think I'll just have to find a better way to...keep you occupied."
Using his evol he flips you onto your hands and knees and you feel the heat of his body hovering over you, the rough fabric of his pants brushing against your bare skin.
You hear the unmistakable sound of his zipper lowering and you glance back over your shoulder, heart pounding in your throat. His eyes are dark, almost black in the low light, his gaze fixed on where his cock rests at your entrance. He's already hard, thick and heavy, the head of his cock nudging against your entrance.
"I bet you thought you could tease me and just run off, didn't you?"
He rocks forward, the length of his cock sliding between your folds, teasing you.
"Well, you're not going anywhere now. Not until I've fucked this neediness out of you. Not until you're a boneless, satisfied mess beneath me."
A sharp gasp escapes your lips as Caleb's gloved hand fists in your hair, gripping the strands tightly. He twists once, twice, using the makeshift handle to yank your head back. At the same time, he drives forward, his hips snapping against your rear as he thrusts inside of you.
His grip on your hair tightens, forcing your back to arch as he starts to move. "I love watching you run pipsqueak,"
"Caleb..."
His other hand comes down hard on your ass, the leather of his glove leaving a reddening imprint on your skin "because I get to fantasize about what I'll do when I catch you"

You stand before Sylus, Naked. The cold air pebbling your nipples as you take a deep breath to steady your nerves. This is crazy, you know it, but Sylus would never harm you.
You watch his face intently for a reaction as he remains bent over his gun, still meticulously cleaning it.
"Lost something, kitten?" Sylus asks casually, not even glancing up from his task. "I don't recall inviting you in here in such a state of undress."
Ugh, of course he knew
He sets the gun down and leans back in his chair, finally meeting your gaze. His eyes widen slightly as they move over your naked body. A smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth.
"You know, most people knock. Or at least have the decency to put on a robe before invading someone's private space." He reaches out and lightly traces a finger along your stomach, his touch electric against your bare skin.
"Well, don't let me stop you from your little game. I'm sure you had a reason for barging in here naked."
You shrug nonchalantly, a playful grin spreading across your face. "It was just a prank, Sy. I saw it on a video online and thought I'd try it out on you."
Sylus stands up slowly, towering over you and takes a step closer, his chest nearly brushing against you.
"Perhaps you should be more careful with your pranks, sweetie. A girl could get hurt, parading around like a piece of meat."
He leans in closer, his breath ghosting over your ear. "Or worse...she could get eaten."
Before you can react or try to run from him, he raises a hand and flicks his wrist. Suddenly, tendrils of his signature black/red energy erupt from the shadows, coiling around your body.
They wrap around your wrists and ankles, binding you firmly but not painfully in place. The tendrils are cool and smooth against your bare skin. You find yourself anchored, unable to flee, at Sylus's mercy.
"Running off so soon, kitten?" Sylus chuckles, his smirk still on his lips as he circles your bound body slowly, admiring the view from every angle. "We were just starting to have fun."
He sits back down on the chair, his movements graceful and predatory. With a pulse of his dark power, he sends tendrils of energy snaking out to wrap around your thighs. They lift you effortlessly, pulling your naked body over his lap, your stomach pressed against his muscular thighs.
His hands come to rest possessively on your hips "If you're so determined to be a cock tease, Y/N, there will be consequences."
You feel the rigid length of Sylus's arousal pressing insistently against your bare stomach as he holds you pinned in his lap. The heat of it, even through his clothing, sends a shameful thrill through you.
Without warning, his hand comes down hard on the soft flesh of your ass, the sharp slap echoing in the room. He repeats the action, spanking you firmly on both cheeks twice in quick succession.
"Ah!" You can't help but gasp, face flushing hot with embarrassment.
Sylus grips your stinging ass cheeks hard, kneading the tender flesh almost painfully as he leans in close. "Consider this a warning for the next time you decide to put on a little show and get my dick hard with no intention of following through."
Another hard smack to your ass, the force jostling your body against his clothed erection. The combination of pain and shameful arousal is dizzying.
"Because I won't be so gentle if you keep teasing what you can't handle, sweetie. You play with fire, you're liable to get burned," Sylus growls, squeezing your ass roughly again before delivering another sharp slap.
You can feel the slick heat gathering between your thighs, your clit throbbing in time with your racing heart.
If you were to part your legs just a bit he would be able to see what this was doing to you.
So you do it. Just an inch.
As Sylus sees the glistening arousal coating your inner thighs, he chuckles and once again his evol tendrils lift you, positioning your cunt right over the bulge straining against his pants.
Sylus makes quick work of his belt and zipper, freeing his fat cock. It springs up, long and thick, the swollen head leaking with need. Your eyes widen at the sight, a fresh gush of wetness flooding your core.
"Look how wet you are, kitten," Sylus whispers approvingly, rubbing the leaking tip of his cock teasingly along your slit, not quite penetrating you. "Clenching around nothing, aching to be filled."
"If I'm going to ride you Sy, does that mean I get to be in control?"
He throws his head back with an amused laugh at your naive question and then with a sharp thrust of his hips he sits you down on his cock. The breath is driven from your lungs at the sudden intrusion, a strangled moan escaping your lips.
"Ffffffffuck" You can't help but cry out, back arching as you're stretched and filled.
"Don't get it twisted, kitten. I can fuck you just as good from the bottom as I can from the top."
#love and deepspace#lads#lnds#lads x reader#lnds x reader#lads smut#lads x you#lnds x you#love and deepspace reader#lads sylus#lads zayne#caleb lads#lads xavier#lads rafayel#rafayel love and deepspace#love and deepspace rafayel#rafayel smut#zayne smut#zayne love and deepspace#xavier smut#xavier love and deepspace#caleb smut#love and deepspace caleb#sylus love and deepspace#sylus smut#rafayel x reader#zayne x reader#xavier x reader#caleb x reader#sylus x reader
2K notes
·
View notes